NEVER, EVER, EVER make your colour or where you live

 DEFINE WHO YOU ARE.

YOU define them.

Dr Laura’s Racial Rant was not a huge surprise to me. What shocked me more was the aftermath.

Wanda Sykes, who was on Larry Kings programme discussing Dr Laura’s show and said, she couldn’t understand why Blacks were even listening to the programme. That programme it’s not a ‘Black Thing’.

I’m confused…what is a Black thing or a White thing or an Asian thing?

Remember…Nothing has meaning except for the meaning YOU give it.

I’ll say no more on the subject.

For those of you who have not heard the Dr Laura’s interview, it’s here and be prepared because it sucks!

PART ONE

PART TWO

My niece who lives in America and who is Black, uses the N word constantly. In light of this recent explosion I asked her why and she replied,

The word nigga is just a shortened way of writing nigger which only means ignorant and because I know its origin I only use it when its fit!

So I went on to ask her, if SHE uses the word why is it not okay for non blacks to use it?  She has not yet replied.

I think not! Being ‘Bootylishious’, sure didn’t help the career of Sophie Dahl, after all, it’s a Fashion Show not a Figure show for goodness sake!

Teenagers get such hang ups about their bodies. They feel if they are not catwalk thin, then there’s something wrong with them.  Leave the stavation diets to the silly girls who want to persecute themselves to do that job.  What they’re doing is fantasy, it’s not real life, that’s why they look like they’re going to pop it anytime soon.  If teenage girls aspire to be like death on sticks, then more fool you.

Love your body and seek careers, friends and a life that supports the way you look. And that does not include, being obese!  Obesity is the other evil and the biggest problem amongst Teenagers at teh moment.

This week I asked: Is there a place for Plus Size Models on the catwalk? The panel were peeved with my views. What do you think?

Teenagers sometimes really struggle to say No and as a result, end up in a situation they find difficult to get out of.

This is an article I wrote for The South London Press, demonstrating that adults too, struggle to say that magical word of NO!!!

Well here’s how…

The current chairman for the PTA is stepping down and they want me to take her place. So they’ve kindly called a pre re-election meeting to let me know what the role entails, aka, ‘A hound me into submission meeting’.  ‘Why don’t you do it, I ask? Pointing to the nearest pleader in my sight. ‘Because you’ll be great at rallying new parents in’, they all say in unison like an out of tune choir. ‘You’ve got loads of energy and everyone will listen to you’. I suspect what they’re really saying is: Coz you’ve got the biggest gob Ingrid!

They say if I don’t take up the challenge, the PTA will be no more! No pressure then! My chief concern however, is amount of time it will encroach on my already ‘no time to fart’ diary, but I’m a wee bit nervous about saying that magical word that will save me from this parental onslaught – ‘No’

Closing the loophole to my next excuse of, if it isn’t that bad you continue to do it then, was the current chairman who pleads her Mothers illness as the reason why she’s leaving,. ‘You won’t have to do as many events as I did’, she adds reassuringly. The coalition are nodding furiously in agreement with their hands clasped together as though in prayer.  ‘Honestly’ she soothes, stroking my arm lovingly ‘It’ll be finneeeee’.

In my head, I’m saying, say NO Ingrid. But standing up to these desperate parents hovering over me like a pack of hungry hounds, is a feat even for me. My internal dialogue is now in a full on battle with what is actually coming out of my gob. ‘Err, well…errrrm let me see’, I cowardly murmur.  Yet to take on this task, my own work would suffer, or over exhaustion would be the order of the day. My head is reminding me that I rarely get to bed before midnight, the over flowing in tray and the ten page to do list.  ‘Just say No, for Christ’s sake’, the yet to be defeated voice in my head yells.  Just say NOOOOOO.  

Getting Your Groove Back Tip:

We often put other people’s needs before our own.  But just as we’re about to muster the courage to say, No, the guilt-o-meter kicks in.

The mind is like a soap opera too.  Whenever we think about being assertive, stepping out of our comfort zone or trying something new, not even the writers of Eastenders, can come up with story lines to match what comes into our heads to stop us in our tracks.

So whilst my soap opera mind, says: if you say no, the PTA will become extinct, they’ll be no summer fete. Everyone will think you don’t care about the school; my son will loose his mates, his confidence and therefore his LIFE!!!

What actually happened was this.  I said, ‘No, sorry, gave it a lot of thought, I simply don’t have the time. To which they said…. ’Oh that’s a shame; Sharon will do it then but would be great if you could still get involved and help out whenever you can!

Check out the fortnightly Grtting Your Groove Back Column in The South London Press in the Pulse Section on a Friday!

It was more like a gentle brain jerker than a tear jerker that made me ask the question, how many more kids out there, who, if rescued from their reality, would be great stars too?

I’m talking about the film THE BLIND SIDE. The story is about a young eighteen year old black boy from the projects, Michael Oher (Quinten Aaron), who was given a second stab at life through the generosity and charity of a wealthy Christian family. The mother, Leigh Anne Touhy (Sandra Bullock), her husband Sean (Tim McGraw), ultimately become his legal guardians and refers to him as their son. The film is based on a true story, the book The Blind side: Evolution of the Game.

It was discovered that, Michael, who fails in just about every other area of his life, has an innate gift for ball games and protective intuition, which basically means, can move extraordinarily quickly to protect a person in a given situation.  This gift especially kicks in for those he cares for.   As such, it was discovered that this innate quality could be transferred into the very important position of protecting the key ‘Quarter Back’ player, in an American football game.

So many hidden gems inside us eh?

I didn’t want this film to end.  Not because of any high drama moments and not because it was a real tear jerker. But because it had a rhythm to it that weaved through me. Despite some very moving moments in the film, it was like lying in a bath and reflecting on life.  It stripped you of your ego and transported you elsewhere.

We all have our own maps of the world – the way we view things.  It’s so easy to think that what we see, what we know is all that there is.  But there’s more than what we know.  On a day to day basis, we can choose to ignore it. Like some of the middle class friends of Leigh Anne friends who chose to ridicule her attempts to make a change. People from the projects too, ignore that another world exists and therefore other choices.

The film taught me about charity.  Real charity. Not just the £2 a month I’ve been giving for the last ten years to the NSPCC and feel that I’m doing my bit. But real hard core sacrifice to make a difference.

It taught me about egos and how it drives so many of us including myself. How many of us get wrapped up with the ego and think it’s the true self.  It made me ask how many of us would rescue another at the risk of damaging our image.

I always ask myself, how a film relates to every day life.  In this case it did.  The following day.

The film made me reflect on the make up of my sons’ new football team.  He is the only black kid on the two teams that make up the entire under nine squad. I don’t think there are more than two white working class kids amongst them either.  The Boden Mums are the new soccer mums.  They wear Hunter wellies and their children’s names are Sebastian, Harry and Thomas.  Many are also privately educated and in between the football sessions they attend rugby and hockey practice too.  The matches are organised by the parents with military efficiency. The training sessions are second to none.  One of the matches today was against a team with a more multicultural make up than ours.  In truth, despite being one player down, (initially three, two eventually turned up) our team struggled.  I heard our coach shout to our team, for goodness sake, you are one team member up.  Our military precision came through in the end and we won 3-0, but it wasn’t a walk in the park!

It made me reflect on the film and remember something someone said to me once.  The best athletes and football players are in the prisons.  I feel quite emotional as I write this, because it certainly was true that if Michael had not been rescued by this family, he too would either be in jail or dead.

How many others are there with the wrong leadership and poor role models who could benefit from being rescued.  How many more Michael Ohrs are there?

And save me the racism lark, because if they’re good, they’re good. Coaches are far too passionate about winning to be concerned about the colour of their skin.

Spare me too from the excuse that the snooty parents have driven them out.  These Mums and Dads are lovely people.  Their reality is this.  Self belief and Practise.  Practice, practice and practice some more.  Dedication, Self Belief and practise.  Self belief is the difference between the winners and the losers. Between those in the prisons and the greats on the football team.

So the question I ask again is this. How many others would benefit from being rescued from the reality that they’ve adopted?

4 STARS

Colin firth plays George, who is a fine Englishman professor baseed in Los Angels teaching English. His partner Jim dies very early on in the film but continues to be featured through flash backs.

Colin Firth’s acting is phenomenal and effortlessly transforms you through all the emotions one experiences as the result of the untimely death of a loved one. As someone who never has enough hours in the day and always chasing my tail,  of all the emotions that exist, loneliness, is the one I least understood – until now.

The film is directed by fashion designer John ford and his creative style is evident in the tempo of the film and the smoky, surreal camera work. Although beautiful, it’s what prevents the film from having mass appeal.

There are some great moments along with some thought proving topics.  One of those is our preconceived ideas about gay relationships.  His best friend Charlie, played by Julianne Moore who is also his ex-lover, talked about the prospect of them getting back together again now that Jim had died, after all, she  rationalised, his relationship with Jim was simply a substitute for the real thing.

At that point I remembered a female friend who was in love with her gay friend and ow I struggled to get my head around it. When I asked her why she was in love with a man who clearly wouldn’t be interested in her,  she said she felt men were only gay because they hadn’t found the right woman yet.  So this part of the film made me realise that this peculiar thinking was more widespread than I  initially thought.

Another great moment in the film was when during a college lecture they talked about the issue of fear.  The fear of gays, the fear of black culture, the fear of the unknown.  It was simply phenomenal with the issues relating to fear covered in more depth than you could ever imagine.

I describe this film as a Fine Earl Grey, not only because of  Colin Firth’s brilliant portrayal of the stiff upper lip Englishman, rigid on the outside, with the same fears as everyone else on the inside but also for his fine acting. And just like Earl Grey, it won’t be everyone’s cup of tea.  But for those who do have a taste for something different, it’s great.

Best of all, I loved the fact that it made gay relationships whole and honest.

If you’re a Gay Teenager, remember, you are who you are, and have nothing to prove to anyone but yourself.

3.5 stars

We women really are our own worst enemy.  What makes us think that men have such little control over themselves that even if we were stark naked in bed, passions exploding the richter scale, their privates right there at that ever so crucial point, that they don’t have the ability to stop? Or should I say, why do we feel we have no right to tell them to stop, if things have got this far? Why do we feel, that we can’t change our minds? Well I have news for you.  We can change our minds and if we do and he forces the issue – it’s RAPE!!! (text continues below).

Listen Below to my interview with Christiane Sanderson from One in Four and views from other women on the issue of Rape.

Ask any bloke you know.  If they were faced with this situation and passions were at an all time high, if he would have the ability to stop, if so requested? Pissed off he might be yes – but he will confirm, that he does have the ability to stop.

Yet in this modern day and age, we as women feel that if we wear a short or revealing clothing, it gives some out of control, dirty old sod the right to pursue us and forcibly abuse us into full blown sex? By wearing a short skirt we, are somehow to blame because poor old, lack-of-control-men, just can’t help themselves.

It drives me absolutely nuts when I read stuff like this.  So many women bark on about being modern and claim to be moving with the times, yet are still able to come out with nonsense like this.

I watched the film Precious with family. There was a scene where Precious’, who was abused and impregnated by her Father, witnessed her Mother blaming her, for the sexual abuse she was subjected to, by her Father. Precious overheard her mother saying that she must have enjoyed it because she didn’t tell anyone.

At that point, my 80 year old old Aunty, quipped, that the Mother was right. The abused young girl most certainly must have enjoyed it, because she did fail to report the abuse to anyone, including her mother! Needless to say, we all briskly jumped down my Aunties throat, negating all evidence of any future thick thoughts, leaving her mouth in the future.

That aside, the question I ask is this.  In this the 21st Century, have we as mature, educated women moved on from making such antiquated statements like my Aunts?

Well if the release of  this recent research is anything to go by, I guess not. Over fifty percent of women feel that women are to blame for rape committed against them because of what they wear.  I guess what these fifty percent of women feel is that if a man sees a woman half naked, by his very nature he simply can’t help himself, therefore she is responsible. Extraordinary!

So let me spell it out for you. We can wear what we blooming hell we want, when we want and how we want.

It gives no man or boy, no right, to force sex upon us and if he does, that my dear is Rape.

Furthermore, for the few women out there who think it’s cool to cry wolf, you too should be punishable by the same jail term as Rapists.  The world has no place for people like you, because it is your deceit the media focuses on deterring from the real, more damaging issue of actual rape cases!

Getting Your Groove Back Advice:

Despite what the papers say, there are some wonderful support groups out there to support victims of Rape and from my own experience, the Police handle such issues sympathetically and with care.

You are not to blame, despite the views of the many unintelligent people around you.

Check out my family column in the South London Press,  every fortnight in the Pulse Section and the GYGB show on Generation Radio , Friday between 1-2pm and Friday’s at 10pm.

Log onto my Extra Help pages for details of your local support groups.

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Discussed on the Getting Your Groove Back  show.  To listen to the show, check back soon for the podcast.Sharon Osbourne and Katie Price were voted the most confident celebrity women in a recent survey.

Women have a total of 38 negative thoughts about themselves a day, according to recent research… and that’s not just about their bodies.

It was also reported that the majority of children are unhappy becuase of how they look – Crikey!

So is confidence something we’re born with?  Is it genetic so there is simply nothing we can do about it?  Or are we born confident, but life’s ups and downs simply strips it away?

PODCAST OF SHOW COMING SOON.  CHECK BACK SOON

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She’s slim and pretty and her boyfriend is a hunk who is charming and witty.  He’s good looking, his girlfriends hot and he’s smart too.

The nightmare thickens – they are all really lovely people. You can’t even hate them.

Jealous?

According to an article in today’s news we are living in an era where it is deemed possible to have it all, so when people we know have something that we secretly wish for, we suffer from

Failed Potential Syndrome

aka, ENVY.

A common response to the above scenario therefore is, why her or him and not me?

Effects your lifestyle too!

Personally, I’ve always felt that there were two types on envy.  The healthy envy, where another persons situation seeks only to inspire you and, the extremely unhealthy envy, which eats away at you and causes you to attack,  gossip about or put down those you are jealous of.

I think if its that important to you, anything is indeed possible and your focus should be more geared towards doing something about your own unhappy situation – no matter how small.

In truth, it’s so much easier to sit there and moan about and to come up with a billion reasons as to why you are where you are or doing what your doing and not actually on route to achieving what you really want for your life.

Getting your Groove Back Tip:

Stop busying yourself with other people.  We were all born with our own unique gifts.  Figure out what your unique gift is and focus on that.  You’ll be amazed what you’ll discover about yourself.

And no, it’s never too late to make a change (that’s just another one of your excuses).