Why Women Cheat?

Anne Archer as Mrs Robinson....

I’m writing this on the back of today’s revelation that MP Mrs Iris Robinson, just like the Mrs Robinson in the film The Graduate, has confessed to having a real life affair with a lad who was 19 years old at the time.

However, before I get into the nitty gritty of all this, the hurt, the pain, the effect such betrayal has on a family and the reasons why this happens,  I have a slight confession to make.

There was a little glee in my eye when I read this.

I was just so darned pleased it was the Woman, having an affair with a younger model  and not the other way around, for a change!  I’m sorry – but does that make me a bad person?  I know two wrongs don’t make a right.  Its just that time and time again I hear stories of wives, who have stood loyally by their husbands for years on end and then, a bit of mid life crisis hits them and that’s it – they dump them for a younger model!  So all I’m saying is just watch it hubbies, that’s all .  It seems the forty plus year old women is back on the map with less and less stigma being attached to them dating men younger than themselves.  Okay there are limits I know – 19 is a bit young – but hey ho – still think it’s coo and you get my point?

• The artist  Sam Taylor Wood  and her young 19 year old bloke she’s preggers for
• Madonna and Jesus
• The young strapping Twighlight actor Robert Patterson confessed to fancying Elizabeth Shue, Patricia Arquette, who must be at least 50 today, and Dana Delany from the show Desperate Housewives.  Forty plus women are not just cast off’s any more (hee hee).

Now to the serious staff.

Call me old fashioned, but I’m a true believer, by their very nature, women on a whole are not cut out for cheating.  If a woman cheats it generally because:

• She is feeling under valued at home
• Revenge for his unfaithfulness (my reason for being unfaithful once)
• If she feels her hubby/partner doesn’t appreciate her and some other guy so happens to be showering her with attention

Geez, looking at the above list, it’s all his fault!  Gosh, I’m sounding like a feminist.  I appreciate too, that there are always exception to the rules.  However,  I’m talking about those women who are not usually cut out for it.

Men tend to struggle emotionally a great deal more too, when having to look beyond an affair to save their marriage.

Getting your Groove Back Tip.

1. Sometimes men are talking a different language to us.  The love they have for us doesn’t necessarily look, like how we think it should look.  Flowers may look like him cooking dinner for a change or remembering to close the lid on the toilet seat.
2. Before you bring further destruction to your homes, look a little deeper at your relationship from his perspective.  You may be surprised to realise that he didn’t realise he was in fact doing anything wrong.  Try and understand his ‘language’ and explain to him yours.  Then look at meeting somewhere in the middle.
3. If you are thinking of cheating because he’s been unfaithful - you’re on a further route to destruction.
4. Finally, if some other bloke is piling it on thick – remember that most are like this at the beginning.  The Relationship really starts after the honeymoon period has ended.  When both parties have to extend themselves beyond what they really want to, that’s the bit they call compromise. That, is the real challenge.  So hey, just remember, you may find yourself in the same position with this new bloke a couple of years down the line.  If you’re thinking of leaving, be doing so for the right reason and not because some other guy is laying it on thick.

Life after Divorce – How to Break Up without Breaking Down

It takes two to fight. If you stop fighting, they’ll be no fight and your ex will stop fighting too!

Madonna said she felt like jumping off of a cliff.  Paul McCartney said he took the positives out of the situation; no More arguing, no More nagging, no More Heather – PEACE at last!

Click Link for Audio Clip for Live Show of, Life After Divorce (press play then wait 30 secs)

Life after a divorce or after a break up from a long term serious relationship can be an emotional nightmare, often including bouts of depression and feelings of deep regret that can last a very long time.  It’s the end of the fairy tale that many simply struggle to get over.

On my Getting Your Groove back show, I was joined by Bill and Francesca from the Divorce Recovery Workshop.

There were moments when we laughed and moments when I had tears in my eyes .  There was moments too when we  all just simply reflected.

Bill, rightly so, is holding on to the dream of perhaps one day remarrying again and still believes in the institution if marriage and I think that’s GROOVE.  Why should one situation dictate the rest of his life.  Just three years has passed so naturally some pain is still evident.  Such a beautiful man, for sure, I wanted to take the pain from out of his heart, but then I know too, I’d be depriving him of the beautiful lessons there are about self to learn along the way.

For Fran,  whose ex husband no longer sees the children, marraige was a road she would rather not travel down again and happily settled with a new boyfriend. Fran was positive and upbeat and certainly had her groove back.

As for myself, for quite a while now I’ve been happy by myself with the thought of living with someone filling me with dread. Every day I’m smiling and loving my career path which simply consumes my days. Perhaps if and when I meet the right person, I appreciate my thoughts on the matter may indeed change.  In the meantime however, Groove is about having fun – which I sure do.

So is there life after divorce?

What was most apparent was that all three of us had different experiences and all at different levels of our recovery. There were times during the interview when I just wanted to hug Bill and tell him that is all gonna be okay.  Trust me I’ve been there and I know your pain.

The key areas for Getting your Groove Back was this:

• Join a support Group such as DWR.  Your friends and family will probably tire of listening to you, but your friends here won’t.
  
  
• Don’t beat yourself up.  It can take quite a few years before you feel yourself again. Each day however, is a step towards recovery.  The lessons on the way can be fun and so rewarding. As long as you keep waking, you’ll discover things about yourself you never knew existed.
  
• Get out of the emotional swimming pool.  As long as you’re swimming around is this pool of anxiety, anger, guilt and fear, you can’t think clearly and it prevents you from applying intellect to the situation.
  
• It takes two to fight.  If you stop fighting, they’ll be no fight and your ex spouse will eventually follow suit.
  

GYGB Shows, Live between 7-8pm Every Thursday by CLICKING HERE at Sydenham Radio.co.uk.

You can email me during the show on studio@sydenhamradio.co.uk, if you would like to ask my guests or myself any questions, or would like to share your own experiences.

Or email me here prior to the show if you have any issues you would like us to discuss.

Why having a Toy Boy is Groovy!

Artist Sam-Taylor Wood, aged 41 has certainly GOT HER GROOVE BACK, with plans to marry her 19 year old top boy lover.

Personally I think it’s fantastic!

Must admit, I’ve always fancied guys a tad younger than myself.  Their bodies just seem a bit fitter and really, the idea of doing it with a crinkly old man, even if he’s wealthy, fills me with dread.

I remember dating a much older man to myself once.  He was quite wealthy. Very wealthy in fact. All was going well, until that dreaded bedroom moment.

On dropping his pants, he revealed a pair of  huge sparkling white Y Fronts with skinny crinkly legs sticking out of each hole.

I’m sorry, call me prudish, childish, superficial, stupid, small mined, whatever; but I just couldn’t do it.  The deed that is. I was completely turned off.  I’m trying to grow up, really I am.  I know it’s childish, but I’m trying.

Getting Your Groove Back Tip:

40’s is the new 20’s with more and more young celebs dating older women or vice versa.  Look at Madonna and Jesus too – great eh!  Gone are the days that when our hubbies left us for a younger model, meant life was over for us.  Oh no, quite the contrary in fact – now it seems life has only just begun!  Whoohoooo!!!!

For Better For Worse – When to stick to your vows and when not to

The wife of Dr Edwin Ewin, the guy who was found guilty of poisoning the drinks of his pregnant lover to induce an abortion, is sticking by him!

You want to know what’s more? Dr Edwin Ewin’s work colleagues didn’t know he was even married AND his wife said she was fully aware that in the past, he has had several long term mistresses.

His pregnant lover, Bella Prowse, was also unaware that he was married whilst they were dating and became suspious of when he’s desire for her to have an abortion got a bit cranky and yellow powered residue was floating on the top of a cup of tea he had bought for her .

The wife, Lowri Phylip, said his lover was a silly woman and was nonetheless, as Dolly Parton put it in her classic love song, standing by her man.

Wo! – commitment to the very end eh. This woman wasn’t messing when she said, ‘I do’!

She said she felt contempt towards the judicial system for choosing to believe this woman over and above her ‘respectable husband Doctor’  - Dr Poison had claimed, that it was his lover who tried to poison herself to stitch him up.

I think Mrs Lowi is a tad delusional don’t you?

Still, who am I to judge.  If I was as insecure as Mrs Lowi and had lived through her life experiences, who’s to say that I wouldn’t be saying the same nonsense myself. There’s many of us who’ve lived in denial in the past, albeit to a more or lesser degree.  Not a problem I think as long as we acknowledge that no matter how much we want to bury the truth to the deep recesses of our mind,  it will resurface.  Thus, the longer we take to face it, the bigger the emotional explosion when do.

I recall another situation like this when I was living in Islington.  My neighbour’s husband confessed to abusing their kids.  However, the wife had convinced herself that it possibly wasn’t true as he was having a break down at the time and didn’t really know what he was saying- hence like Mrs Lowi and our wee Dolly’s love song, she was standing by her man.

Getting your Groove Back Tip:

Well I’m gob smacked with this one just as I was with my neighbour all them years back.  Talk about taking your vows to the bitter end.  With all said and done however, I am only left with sad thoughts on this situation and those are this…

Firstly, it makes me wonder what lengths women will go to just to be able to say they are married.

Secondly and most importantly it makes me remember that as woman, mum, carer and the like, we really have to learn to love ourselves first.  That’s groove.

We have to be brave and trust.

It is said, we should face the truth and the truth will  set us free.

If we walk, everything will be okay.

Things will work out.

They always do.

Its the universal law.

Did your Peach Incease Post Baby?

This was the burning question my Preggers mummy mate had for me and one I know many Mums to be, worry about.

That hole down there is like an elastic band and simply springs right back into shape. So please, let that be the least of your worries.  There has been many articles written about the benefits of pelvic floor muscles also for keeping the peach intact, so I guess there’s no harm in doing these also.

Getting Your Groove Back Tip

Do not forget the power of the mind when it comes to satisfying sex.  If you think your peach is huge, it’ll feel huge.  During sex, use the power of the mind to be whatever you want to be, such as a hot virgin, for example and great sex will follow.  Consuming your mind with negative thoughts such as a larger peach will have a negative effect on your sex life.

Infidelity – Would you Leave Your Husband if he had an Affair?

It has been reported that over a third of men on dating sites are married.  It appears to  be the new swish, less complicated route to infidelity.

One of my Mummy mates said she wouldn’t be surprised if her husband was one of them  because  for one, she’s bored shitless of their sex life and two,  he’s always on the Internet.

She says she has no intentions of leaving him however, because he’s rich and not prepared to give up her lifestyle.  Therefore, if he was one of the new unfaithful gits taking advantage of a single women’s quest in finding a decent bloke, she was quite happy for him to do so. At least she honest.

I was seeing a bloke once who I met on line.  I swear he was married.  He lived in Sweden and came to London often on business.  Things just didn’t add up and the penny dropped when I myself had to go to Sweden on business and was fed a million and one excuses why he couldn’t meet up with me.

So kicked he was kicked to the kerb shortly thereafter.

In any case, the question is, would you leave your hubby if he had an affair?

Getting Your Groove Back Tip?

Okay, I’m gonna get stick for this one.

Depending on the circumstances, I’d say No – you shouldn’t leave!

In recent years,  I’ve decided to take my head out of the fairy tale books and stop comparing relationships to the Litte House on the Prairie and the Waltons and something more akin to the Rocky Horror Show.

Shit happens.

Therefore, if it was a one off stupid mad moment, I just don’t think it’s worth breaking up the family home over.

However,  on discovering that the bastard had planned and calculated meeting a woman woman on-line and living some full on double family life somewhere, with kids, then I ‘d kick the git to the kerb like I did with old Mr Sweden.