Why Women Cheat?

Anne Archer as Mrs Robinson....

I’m writing this on the back of today’s revelation that MP Mrs Iris Robinson, just like the Mrs Robinson in the film The Graduate, has confessed to having a real life affair with a lad who was 19 years old at the time.

However, before I get into the nitty gritty of all this, the hurt, the pain, the effect such betrayal has on a family and the reasons why this happens,  I have a slight confession to make.

There was a little glee in my eye when I read this.

I was just so darned pleased it was the Woman, having an affair with a younger model  and not the other way around, for a change!  I’m sorry – but does that make me a bad person?  I know two wrongs don’t make a right.  Its just that time and time again I hear stories of wives, who have stood loyally by their husbands for years on end and then, a bit of mid life crisis hits them and that’s it – they dump them for a younger model!  So all I’m saying is just watch it hubbies, that’s all .  It seems the forty plus year old women is back on the map with less and less stigma being attached to them dating men younger than themselves.  Okay there are limits I know – 19 is a bit young – but hey ho – still think it’s coo and you get my point?

• The artist  Sam Taylor Wood  and her young 19 year old bloke she’s preggers for
• Madonna and Jesus
• The young strapping Twighlight actor Robert Patterson confessed to fancying Elizabeth Shue, Patricia Arquette, who must be at least 50 today, and Dana Delany from the show Desperate Housewives.  Forty plus women are not just cast off’s any more (hee hee).

Now to the serious staff.

Call me old fashioned, but I’m a true believer, by their very nature, women on a whole are not cut out for cheating.  If a woman cheats it generally because:

• She is feeling under valued at home
• Revenge for his unfaithfulness (my reason for being unfaithful once)
• If she feels her hubby/partner doesn’t appreciate her and some other guy so happens to be showering her with attention

Geez, looking at the above list, it’s all his fault!  Gosh, I’m sounding like a feminist.  I appreciate too, that there are always exception to the rules.  However,  I’m talking about those women who are not usually cut out for it.

Men tend to struggle emotionally a great deal more too, when having to look beyond an affair to save their marriage.

Getting your Groove Back Tip.

1. Sometimes men are talking a different language to us.  The love they have for us doesn’t necessarily look, like how we think it should look.  Flowers may look like him cooking dinner for a change or remembering to close the lid on the toilet seat.
2. Before you bring further destruction to your homes, look a little deeper at your relationship from his perspective.  You may be surprised to realise that he didn’t realise he was in fact doing anything wrong.  Try and understand his ‘language’ and explain to him yours.  Then look at meeting somewhere in the middle.
3. If you are thinking of cheating because he’s been unfaithful - you’re on a further route to destruction.
4. Finally, if some other bloke is piling it on thick – remember that most are like this at the beginning.  The Relationship really starts after the honeymoon period has ended.  When both parties have to extend themselves beyond what they really want to, that’s the bit they call compromise. That, is the real challenge.  So hey, just remember, you may find yourself in the same position with this new bloke a couple of years down the line.  If you’re thinking of leaving, be doing so for the right reason and not because some other guy is laying it on thick.

Life after Divorce – How to Break Up without Breaking Down

It takes two to fight. If you stop fighting, they’ll be no fight and your ex will stop fighting too!

Madonna said she felt like jumping off of a cliff.  Paul McCartney said he took the positives out of the situation; no More arguing, no More nagging, no More Heather – PEACE at last!

Click Link for Audio Clip for Live Show of, Life After Divorce (press play then wait 30 secs)

Life after a divorce or after a break up from a long term serious relationship can be an emotional nightmare, often including bouts of depression and feelings of deep regret that can last a very long time.  It’s the end of the fairy tale that many simply struggle to get over.

On my Getting Your Groove back show, I was joined by Bill and Francesca from the Divorce Recovery Workshop.

There were moments when we laughed and moments when I had tears in my eyes .  There was moments too when we  all just simply reflected.

Bill, rightly so, is holding on to the dream of perhaps one day remarrying again and still believes in the institution if marriage and I think that’s GROOVE.  Why should one situation dictate the rest of his life.  Just three years has passed so naturally some pain is still evident.  Such a beautiful man, for sure, I wanted to take the pain from out of his heart, but then I know too, I’d be depriving him of the beautiful lessons there are about self to learn along the way.

For Fran,  whose ex husband no longer sees the children, marraige was a road she would rather not travel down again and happily settled with a new boyfriend. Fran was positive and upbeat and certainly had her groove back.

As for myself, for quite a while now I’ve been happy by myself with the thought of living with someone filling me with dread. Every day I’m smiling and loving my career path which simply consumes my days. Perhaps if and when I meet the right person, I appreciate my thoughts on the matter may indeed change.  In the meantime however, Groove is about having fun – which I sure do.

So is there life after divorce?

What was most apparent was that all three of us had different experiences and all at different levels of our recovery. There were times during the interview when I just wanted to hug Bill and tell him that is all gonna be okay.  Trust me I’ve been there and I know your pain.

The key areas for Getting your Groove Back was this:

• Join a support Group such as DWR.  Your friends and family will probably tire of listening to you, but your friends here won’t.
  
  
• Don’t beat yourself up.  It can take quite a few years before you feel yourself again. Each day however, is a step towards recovery.  The lessons on the way can be fun and so rewarding. As long as you keep waking, you’ll discover things about yourself you never knew existed.
  
• Get out of the emotional swimming pool.  As long as you’re swimming around is this pool of anxiety, anger, guilt and fear, you can’t think clearly and it prevents you from applying intellect to the situation.
  
• It takes two to fight.  If you stop fighting, they’ll be no fight and your ex spouse will eventually follow suit.
  

GYGB Shows, Live between 7-8pm Every Thursday by CLICKING HERE at Sydenham Radio.co.uk.

You can email me during the show on studio@sydenhamradio.co.uk, if you would like to ask my guests or myself any questions, or would like to share your own experiences.

Or email me here prior to the show if you have any issues you would like us to discuss.

Are you married to a Control Freak?

LISTEN HERE AUDIO: Are you married to a control freak?

The Katie and Peter splitting story has been rinsed in the press so much that its beginning to bore the absolute pants off of me.

However, there was a recent story about these guys that caught my eye only because there were certain elements that resonated with me.  Now, it’s possible that he is not a control freak and this is just a bit of clever PR spin on Katie’s side.  However, there were details that bought back memories of a control freak who I was once with, so raised the issue of controlling men.

Now Katie’s old mate said that in the early stages of their relationship, Pete was dead jealous of Katie’s thriving career when he was doing bugger all.

Also sounds a bit like the recent claims in the Daily Mail and Mail on Sunday about Ashley Cole’s jealousy towards his wife now she’s more successful than he is.  It seems even the female celebs are not immune to the effects of a husbands ego when they are doing better than he is.

Now her mate claimed three chilling areas about Pete’s controlling nature.  They were that he:

• Hated when she wore revealing clothing
• Tried to stop their friendship
• Appeared like a Mr nice guy to everybody else on the outside world which in turn, makes you sound like you like a nutter when you complain about him

And that’s exactly what my ex did do to me!!!

Indeed, such is the extent of Pete’s PR spin, I reckon he needs a couple of burly weight lifters just to support the ever growing halo above his head.

If the claims are true, like Saint Pete, if I wore a top with just a millimetre of my chest showing, my ex would insist that I don a polo neck.

He’d often knock my friends saying that they weren’t true friend and after slating him to my mates, (deep down I always knew he was a toss pot), on meeting him they would say HOW LOVELY HE WAS!

Spooky or what?

For the record, I’m no huge fan of Katie Price either and this is possibly PR spin for her too. She’s probably the last person I’d opt for having a coffee with.  Regardless, it raises the issue of controlling men.  Therefore, right is right and wrong is wrong and if he was jealous of her in the early days and tried to control her due to his own insecurities, lack of career success in those days and damaged ego, then that’s simply not GROOVY.  It’s Pants in fact and I’m glad Kate’s got rid of your sorry ass if that was the case Pete.  I appreciate that this usually means that the guy has his issues too, but we have to protect ourselves.

Why do I say that? Look at what happened to Katie Piper.  That sick ex-boyfriend of hers who arranged for Sulphuric acid to be thrown in her face.  It starts from emotional abuse this stuff and it’s not okay.  It starts from emotional abuse and has the potential of getting much, much worse.

Getting your groove back tip.

Emotional abuse often leads to physical abuse according to REFUGE, the amazing support organisation for women suffering from both from physical and mental abuse.

I lived in fear too.  Feared that if I ever left my ex, he too would also throw acid in my face.  Not because he loved me – oh no.  But because his very existence was dependent on having control over me because without that control, he was nothing!

It happened to a friend of mine, many years back.  I still feel the pain in my heart today as I did then when I saw what this inhumane monster had done her beautiful face.  On throwing the acid into her face he said, if I can’t have you, then nobody will’.   The damage, even after the best skin grafts in the world, is indescribable. Please let this be a warning to you!

Understand ladies, it is usually a weak insecure man who chooses to exert control in this way.  You must seek help and not bury the issue under the carpet. Once you start talking about it, it’s no longer in the dark, will then serve to empower you and ultimately release you from the shackles.

PS:  Don’t forget also that the support group Refuge deal with issues relating to both Emotional and Physical Abuse.  Click here for further information.

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