LISTEN HERE AUDIO: Are you married to a control freak?

The Katie and Peter splitting story has been rinsed in the press so much that its beginning to bore the absolute pants off of me.

However, there was a recent story about these guys that caught my eye only because there were certain elements that resonated with me.  Now, it’s possible that he is not a control freak and this is just a bit of clever PR spin on Katie’s side.  However, there were details that bought back memories of a control freak who I was once with, so raised the issue of controlling men.

Now Katie’s old mate said that in the early stages of their relationship, Pete was dead jealous of Katie’s thriving career when he was doing bugger all.

Also sounds a bit like the recent claims in the Daily Mail and Mail on Sunday about Ashley Cole’s jealousy towards his wife now she’s more successful than he is.  It seems even the female celebs are not immune to the effects of a husbands ego when they are doing better than he is.

Now her mate claimed three chilling areas about Pete’s controlling nature.  They were that he:

• Hated when she wore revealing clothing
• Tried to stop their friendship
• Appeared like a Mr nice guy to everybody else on the outside world which in turn, makes you sound like you like a nutter when you complain about him

And that’s exactly what my ex did do to me!!!

Indeed, such is the extent of Pete’s PR spin, I reckon he needs a couple of burly weight lifters just to support the ever growing halo above his head.

If the claims are true, like Saint Pete, if I wore a top with just a millimetre of my chest showing, my ex would insist that I don a polo neck.

He’d often knock my friends saying that they weren’t true friend and after slating him to my mates, (deep down I always knew he was a toss pot), on meeting him they would say HOW LOVELY HE WAS!

Spooky or what?

For the record, I’m no huge fan of Katie Price either and this is possibly PR spin for her too. She’s probably the last person I’d opt for having a coffee with.  Regardless, it raises the issue of controlling men.  Therefore, right is right and wrong is wrong and if he was jealous of her in the early days and tried to control her due to his own insecurities, lack of career success in those days and damaged ego, then that’s simply not GROOVY.  It’s Pants in fact and I’m glad Kate’s got rid of your sorry ass if that was the case Pete.  I appreciate that this usually means that the guy has his issues too, but we have to protect ourselves.

Why do I say that? Look at what happened to Katie Piper.  That sick ex-boyfriend of hers who arranged for Sulphuric acid to be thrown in her face.  It starts from emotional abuse this stuff and it’s not okay.  It starts from emotional abuse and has the potential of getting much, much worse.

Getting your groove back tip.

Emotional abuse often leads to physical abuse according to REFUGE, the amazing support organisation for women suffering from both from physical and mental abuse.

I lived in fear too.  Feared that if I ever left my ex, he too would also throw acid in my face.  Not because he loved me – oh no.  But because his very existence was dependent on having control over me because without that control, he was nothing!

It happened to a friend of mine, many years back.  I still feel the pain in my heart today as I did then when I saw what this inhumane monster had done her beautiful face.  On throwing the acid into her face he said, if I can’t have you, then nobody will’.   The damage, even after the best skin grafts in the world, is indescribable. Please let this be a warning to you!

Understand ladies, it is usually a weak insecure man who chooses to exert control in this way.  You must seek help and not bury the issue under the carpet. Once you start talking about it, it’s no longer in the dark, will then serve to empower you and ultimately release you from the shackles.

PS:  Don’t forget also that the support group Refuge deal with issues relating to both Emotional and Physical Abuse.  Click here for further information.

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Whitney after her Tragic Performance

Poor old Whit did a such a poor job on the x factor the other day I couldn’t help but wonder who in heavens name is mentoring her.  Someone in her close knit circle should of seen the state she was in and not have allowed that performance to go ahead.

She looked awful, is clearly still not well and the drugs have certainly had an effect on her voice.

I was embarrassed for her.  So saddened also that a Man was at the source of her destruction and able to reduce our Diva to what we see today.

Today however, I am reassured by a video I’ve just seen of her on TV.  She looked fab and sounded great too. Just like good old Whit.

Getting Your Groove Back Tip:

• I know from experience that escaping something one is emotionally trapped in is like climbing out of quick sand.
  
• It’s a journey to fully get your groove back and every step made is a milestone.  One has to keep focused on the light at the end of the tunnel.  It’s when there’s no light it feels pretty awful.  The light will reappear however, so never give up becuase that light does come back. It may be small at first – but eventually it grows and grows and gets bigger and bigger
• Then Before you know it… you’re at the beginning of Getting Your Groove Back!

Sam and her Young Bod

Artist Sam-Taylor Wood, aged 41 has certainly GOT HER GROOVE BACK, with plans to marry her 19 year old top boy lover.

Personally I think it’s fantastic!

Must admit, I’ve always fancied guys a tad younger than myself.  Their bodies just seem a bit fitter and really, the idea of doing it with a crinkly old man, even if he’s wealthy, fills me with dread.

I remember dating a much older man to myself once.  He was quite wealthy. Very wealthy in fact. All was going well, until that dreaded bedroom moment.

On dropping his pants, he revealed a pair of  huge sparkling white Y Fronts with skinny crinkly legs sticking out of each hole.

I’m sorry, call me prudish, childish, superficial, stupid, small mined, whatever; but I just couldn’t do it.  The deed that is. I was completely turned off.  I’m trying to grow up, really I am.  I know it’s childish, but I’m trying.

Getting Your Groove Back Tip:

40′s is the new 20′s with more and more young celebs dating older women or vice versa.  Look at Madonna and Jesus too – great eh!  Gone are the days that when our hubbies left us for a younger model, meant life was over for us.  Oh no, quite the contrary in fact – now it seems life has only just begun!  Whoohoooo!!!!

Big Gob Danyl lost his Groove

The UK is gripped by it and I have to admit,  so am I.

It peeves me to no end when one of my mummy mates invites me round for supper or something when all I want to do is curl up on the sofa for my weekly guilty pleasure.

It was a bit sad that Daniel had the groove kicked out of him this week because all the stuff written about him in the papers.  This led to a rather sombre performance which upset me greatly because each week, my little devil horns pop out of my head whilst I pray that he drops that microphone he keeps slinging from one hand to the other.

Then there’s Jamie Archer, aka Three Afro’s by my son and I because he looks like a poodle with an afro on each side of his head and another one on top.  He however,  disappointedly sorted his hair out this week also.

It soon won’t be worth watching if everyone starts looking and acting normal!

Getting Your Groove back Tip:

Support the twins Guys!!!! They are so bloody stupid and pissing everyone off,  it makes the show a bit of a giggle.

Hey – there’s people dying out there.  You’ve got to have a larf!

Party Pooper Sean Wayans

Geez, have we forgotten how to laugh?

Met one of my Mummy mates for lunch in that fab new cafe in the Lido in Brockwell Park and  mentioned to her how much I’ve always wanted to host a Halloween party for adults.

Well stone the crows – Oh no she said.  That’s devil worshipping!

I at the time of course, thought she was absolutely banana’s.

Another madness.  Sean Wayans attended a Halloween Party this year and didn’t wear a costume? Exactly, how much effort would it of taken.  Why did he bother to go?

Moreover, in today’s Daily Mail, there’s an article saying the same thing from the Vatican calling Halloween anti-Christian.

I was brought up in religion so have a great respect for religious issues and beliefs.  Religion is at the core of my being.

But Bloody Blimey Mate - It’s just a bit of fun, you know, giggle giggle, ha ha…

Getting Your Groove Back Tip:

God wants Spiritual fruits not Religious Nuts.

Lucy Cope, the mother who heads this campaign will be marching today to Downing Street with a 1000 strong foothold.

Lucy lost her own son, Damien to street crime earlier this year.

I just can’t imagine what it would be like to loose my kid in any way or form.

I take my hat off to Lucy.  Apparently, she wants the minimum sentence for those carrying guns to be raised to ten years.  She certainly has my full support.

As for me, sometimes I wonder if I’m a bit naive to the reality of what’s happening on our streets of London.  Do I have to fear for son for when he is older?  Is it likely that he’ll be walking home one evening from a football or tennis game for example and getting shot after being mugged of his mobile phone or the like?

Or, are these crimes limited to those who are involved in gun crime themselves?  A form of retaliation and a situation of living by the gun and therefore dying by the gun? If so, how did it all begin?

I always think that so many lives are lost when someone dies in this way.  Not just tragically the person who has been killed but also the person who has committed the crime.  Surely when he is caught and sitting in his cell faced with a minimum of at thirty years in prison – surely, but surely he must ask himself, was it worth it? I’ve heard that at the beginning of their sentence, you can hear their wails of despair and tears  for days echoing down the prison cells and the other inmates try everything to block out the sounds.

For their Mums too have lost a son – alive on the outside, but dead in prison. When released he’ll be an old man.

Was it worth it?  Why don’t these boys think of the consequences?

In any case, the reporting of this march has at the very least made me stop and think about the those Mothers on both sides of the coin, who have lost a child.

The whole situation is heartbreaking.

Getting your Groove Back:

Lucy Cope and Mothers like her have shown such courage through what is still and will for be for many years to come, a difficult time.  I and many others pray for strength like hers.

I’m sure she feels like curling up in a ball- but no. Instead she has chosen to fight and bring about change so that her pain and the loss of her son, will not be in vain.

That is what we call Groove.

The wife of Dr Edwin Ewin, the guy who was found guilty of poisoning the drinks of his pregnant lover to induce an abortion, is sticking by him!

You want to know what’s more? Dr Edwin Ewin’s work colleagues didn’t know he was even married AND his wife said she was fully aware that in the past, he has had several long term mistresses.

His pregnant lover, Bella Prowse, was also unaware that he was married whilst they were dating and became suspious of when he’s desire for her to have an abortion got a bit cranky and yellow powered residue was floating on the top of a cup of tea he had bought for her .

The wife, Lowri Phylip, said his lover was a silly woman and was nonetheless, as Dolly Parton put it in her classic love song, standing by her man.

Wo! – commitment to the very end eh. This woman wasn’t messing when she said, ‘I do’!

She said she felt contempt towards the judicial system for choosing to believe this woman over and above her ‘respectable husband Doctor’  - Dr Poison had claimed, that it was his lover who tried to poison herself to stitch him up.

I think Mrs Lowi is a tad delusional don’t you?

Still, who am I to judge.  If I was as insecure as Mrs Lowi and had lived through her life experiences, who’s to say that I wouldn’t be saying the same nonsense myself. There’s many of us who’ve lived in denial in the past, albeit to a more or lesser degree.  Not a problem I think as long as we acknowledge that no matter how much we want to bury the truth to the deep recesses of our mind,  it will resurface.  Thus, the longer we take to face it, the bigger the emotional explosion when do.

I recall another situation like this when I was living in Islington.  My neighbour’s husband confessed to abusing their kids.  However, the wife had convinced herself that it possibly wasn’t true as he was having a break down at the time and didn’t really know what he was saying- hence like Mrs Lowi and our wee Dolly’s love song, she was standing by her man.

Getting your Groove Back Tip:

Well I’m gob smacked with this one just as I was with my neighbour all them years back.  Talk about taking your vows to the bitter end.  With all said and done however, I am only left with sad thoughts on this situation and those are this…

Firstly, it makes me wonder what lengths women will go to just to be able to say they are married.

Secondly and most importantly it makes me remember that as woman, mum, carer and the like, we really have to learn to love ourselves first.  That’s groove.

We have to be brave and trust.

It is said, we should face the truth and the truth will  set us free.

If we walk, everything will be okay.

Things will work out.

They always do.

Its the universal law.

The trial of the Mum who stabbed to death her two teenage children when her marriage broke down in 2007 starts today.

As loving Mothers, I’m sure that that the first thing to cross our minds is how could a Mother do such a thing to her children?

For me, my thoughts went a little deeper than the reports transpired so far.  I couldn’t help but  wonder why none of the reports focused on the state of this Mothers mind leading up to the events.  It was quoted, with little emphasis however, that she said, at least the children will be safe now.

I wonder what she meant by that?

The father of the children on the other hand was dished out a couple of halo’s to stack neatly above his head like a saint.

He may well indeed be a saint, but I just can’t help wondering how much his actions may have contributed to the poor mental health of his ex-wife? With her being a single Mother AND  another failed relationship to contend with, did he show compassion for her current situation when he was dealing with her and issues relating to the kids? Who knows.

I stress, this doesn’t by any means justify her actions.  It’s just that I know the Father of my child had on occasions when my son was younger, driven me insane by his mind games and I  wobbled ferociously on the fence that separated sanity from insanity.

He left me when my son was just a few months old and was so incredibly spiteful,  often spiting my son in order to spite me, I was sure I was going to end up in a nut house. Although we get on well now, he does on occasions still play the odd mind games, I just know how to handle him.

I remember too witnessing an argument in the street between what appeared to be between a Mother and her ex Husband.  Present was his young girlfriend and their young daughter, who looked around age 5 or six.

The Mother was really distressed and screaming at her child to come away from the father.

She was shouting at them saying ‘He doesn’t love you.  He doesn’t care about you anymore, come here. what makes him think he can pick and choose the days he sees you?’

The Father remained calm,  red faced and stood there holding his  girlfriends hand whilst simultaneously, calming the daughter down who like the Mother was in a terrible state.   But still, remained holding hands with his new partner! Talk about adding salt to the wounds and showing a bit of  scruples - not!

It was a sad scene filled with so much pain and many a lost dreams for both Mother and Child.  I still feel emotional now even though this happened a few years back.

I appreciate that I am making a lot of assumptions here, however, when the father of your child leaves you for someone else and a younger model and in this Mums case, a younger model too, it is not easy and one would really have to be in the situation to fully understand how this feels.

My sons’ Dads new girlfriend, who he was seeing whilst I was pregnant (something he denies) was not even younger, nor better looking, yet it was a painful experience that took years to get over. The dream of the two point two kids, the ‘Waltons’ and ‘Little House in the Praire’ fantasy was over just like that in a puff smoke.

Like I said, I am not justifying any woman taking the lives of her children and since writing this she was indeed found guilty of murder as it was proved that she killed the kids just to spite her ex-husband.  But as a Mother, call me naive but I just feel that she couldn’t possibly have been in her ‘right’ state of mind.

I just question too the need for more support groups for woman with children who have become separated from their partners  and wonder if those kids would still be alive today had there been better support structures or groups in place.

Moreover, research has shown that women are financially worst off when they separate from their ex’s and that Men are financially better off!

All this simply adds to the emotional strain. You can’t even afford to go out to meet someone new yourself or afford decent clothes to feel better about yourself.  All this whilst he’s hot footing it around town and travelling the world with some young chicklet on his arm, whist you’re having to feed the 5000 with two loaves and five fishes.

Moreover, handling Terrible Twos, Chicken Pox and numerous trips back and forth to A and E hospitals, alone, is no easy task. I know because I’ve done it.

Getting your Groove Back Tip:

Unless you’ve been through it yourself – don’t judge.

And if you’re going through it…Trust me, you do get over it and get quite pissed with yourself that you wasted all those days and nights worried about the jerk and his silly new girlfriend.  Once you get over it too, you then meet a hunk of your own, or find complete happiness living by yourself and your kid/s and couldn’t think of anything worst than living with someone else and having to put up with all their stuff!

Hot Eyebrows

For an instant Luscious face lift, go get your eyebrows, waxed, plucked or threaded!

Remember, your eyebrows are the frame of your face, so for just a few quid you can look instantly amazing.

Getting your Groove Back Tip:

If you have a very low pain threshold like I do, avoid threading because it can blooming hurt.

Accessories are a great way of reviving your outfits.  There’s more on this subject and demonstrations on my forthcoming video’s.  In the meantime however, remember that only one company generally makes the costume jewellery for many of the high street retailers. What I have noticed is that depending on the shop you buy from and their brand, the price you pay for the same piece of costume jewellery can differ greatly.

Getting your Groove Back Tip:

Shop around Mums.  It peeves me greatly to see one pair of earrings I bought from the Freedom range at trendy store Top Shop was a pound cheaper in the less trendy Matalan (Target being the US equivalent). In fact, I noticed quite a few pieces that were in the Freedom range was also to be found in Matalan.  Not knocking the Freedom range because they do have some great stuff, just beware!

This was the burning question my Preggers mummy mate had for me and one I know many Mums to be, worry about.

That hole down there is like an elastic band and simply springs right back into shape. So please, let that be the least of your worries.  There has been many articles written about the benefits of pelvic floor muscles also for keeping the peach intact, so I guess there’s no harm in doing these also.

Getting Your Groove Back Tip

Do not forget the power of the mind when it comes to satisfying sex.  If you think your peach is huge, it’ll feel huge.  During sex, use the power of the mind to be whatever you want to be, such as a hot virgin, for example and great sex will follow.  Consuming your mind with negative thoughts such as a larger peach will have a negative effect on your sex life.

I was told about this poem once and was trying to find the actual words on the Internet, but its late and I can’t find it.

In any case,  it went something like this…

If you have but 2 guilders, use one for a loaf of bread and the other for a flower to fill your soul.

So if anyone knows the exact words then do let me know.  Anyway, you get the gist of it I’m sure.  You gotta eat right – but you gotta fill your soul too!

Okay, so for a display that looks like they came from Jane Packer but you don’t have that kind of dough, pop into Sainsburys and buy a pack or 2 of  longiflorum lilies (at the time of writing they’ve got them on special offer with 10 stems for a fiver), then pop into a decent upmarket florist and buy a pack or two of Steel Grass (not Bear Grass) for around £2.50.   You also need a large clear vase. How many packs of flowers and grass that you’ll need will depend on the size of your vase.

The Display

Strip ALL the leaves from the stems of the lilies and cut the base of the stems at an angle so they’ll absorb the water better.  Pop them into a large clear vase with water and place the flowers pointing outwards.

Then, in the centre of the vase, keeping a grip at the top of the bunches, put in the steel grass.  Using a pair of scissors, cut a couple of inches off the top of the steel grass in a straight line, making sure the overall height of the grass is still almost twice the size of the lilies.

Now let the steel grass go and fall effortlessly in the display.

You’ll have a display of flowers that will last well over a week, that cost a fifth of the price of what the top florists would charge and most importantly, will fill your soul!

Getting your groove back tip:

For a real professional finish, when the flowers open up, use the tips of your fingers to remove the yellow pollen inside the flowers. The pollen will stain fabrics so remove with care.

Spanx.  Spanx, spanx, spanx, spank. Sorry, but I just can’t stop going on about my new discovery.

Read about the woman who designed it, then I researched it on the Internet. Apparently all the stars swear by them.  There were all these claims, not by the manufacturer but on various forums, saying that it brings you in a dress size.

Get the right Size!

Anyway, I had an event coming up where the ex was going to be there with the ex girlfriend, so it was necessary for me to look absolutely hot and slim.   So I brought my dress with me to try one spanx in John Lewis lingerie department.  My darling Mummy Mates, I swear to you, it is absolutely amazing! I had a flat belly and that takes some doing.

The other great thing about it, unlike the usual thick, stifling, I can’t bloody breathe or go for a piss material girdles usually come in, the Spanx is made out of a really light fabric.

It also has a wee hole! Yes a bloomin wee hole.   So if you can’t be arsed to pull the spanx down, you just pull the wee hole apart and Bob’s your uncle (or fanny’s your aunt)!

Okay sure, initially I was a bit sceptical about the whole wee hole bit and imagined a somewhat smelly experience with my wee going astray of its natural course  and splashing around in the crutch area and on my hands. So I refused to use this delightful added feature – but that works well too.

The dress size claim

Anyway, whenever I wear mine, I’m always showered with compliments about how much weight I’ve lost.  I bought a high powered pair which allows me to effortlessly slither into me skinny jeans also.

Getting Your Groove Back Tip:

Once you try on a pair in John Lewis and ascertain your right size, shop around for cost savings.  In John Lewis I parted with a hard earned £30 then bought my sisters in Morleys in Brixton for £23. A saving to my sister of six quid.

Morleys however, do not have samples for trying on, so you do have to do the whole John Lewis thing first, but God it’s worth it.

On page 188 in Elle magazine, August Issue is a promotion to get your nails or your feet done for free. They’ve teamed up with some group that have got loads of salons everywhere.

Okay, so you got to buy the mag.  Not promoting Elle or anything, because I don’t do that, but I do believe that every once in a while you should read something you wouldn’t usually read.  May that be a fashion magazine or something completely opposite like The Statesman. Just something different to your usual read.  You never know what you might discover and it’s always good to open up your brain a little and learn something new. So there’s two excuses for you.  God i’m good to you lot.

Most importantly, it’s great to get your nails done for free if your in desperate need of getting your bleedin groove back!

Before you head out on your next clothes shopping trip, check out the front of magazines for any special offers they’ve got going in the high street shops.

I just saved a whacking £44 on a dress I was buying from Karen Millen.  The original price was £180 but made a 20% saving by producing Cosmo magazine.

Great eh!

Read some research from www.workingmums.co.uk that something like 53% of Mums poo themselves at the thought of returning to work.

One of my Mummy Mates sent me this great site www.womenlikeus.org.uk. It features jobs that recognises that if you give us Mums a bit of slack, we’re actually more productive than full time workers.  The research carried out amongst 3,500 workers across Europe found that employees who work flexibly  are also healthier and fitter. So for all you other inflexible, git employers out there, stick that in your pipe and smoke it!

It’s quite groovy too as they offer free workshops on going back to work and CV writing training. It’s also worth checking out our Groove Camps which we feature once a month.

Getting Your Groove Back Tip:

The mind is like a soap opera. Believe me, it makes small fry out of  shows like Phantom of the Opera, Eastenders and Coronation Street.

Your not planning on jumping out in front of a train- just going back to work.

Nothing is ever  as bad as our soap opera mind likes to make out.  The thing with the mind is that it’s there to protect us.  However, as great as it is, the silly thing can’t differentiate between what’s real and what’s imagined.  So off it goes, stealing your groove, with a good old fashioned Irish Jig of fear, whenever you decide to do something new or the unknown. So instead, think great thoughts and the silly mind will think that you really are feeling great and will make you feel great accordingly.

Thanks For Sharing.

So if going back to work is something you decided will give you your Groove back, when the brain starts its jig of fear, simply tell it, ” Hey brain, thanks for sharing, but I’m gonna do it anyway.”

My best mate is soon to become one of my official MummyMates because she’s Preggers!!!!!  Yes Pregnant, Up the spout and I’m sooo excited.

Anyway, the problem is that she’s getting married in August.  She sent out invitations in March and is now incredibly worried that everyone is going to think that it was a Gunshot Wedding.

Would you be bothered?

Getting Your Groove Back Tip:

Personally, I think Gunshot Weddings are lovely.  The fact that the two people are doing what they deem as ‘the right thing’ for themselves and the baby, shows commitment through the rocky road ahead.  I have two friends who had gunshot weddings. She was a proper, ballooning, eight months preggers bride and looked absolutely lovely.

Moreover, nothing has meaning except for the meaning you give it.  It is what it is and if what people said about you could kill you, you’d be dead already.

Are you a teenager struggling to leave a toxic relationship?

Getting Your Groove Back Tip:

Get to know the initial trigger/s that makes you keep going back and hallucinating about how things, could be.

Is it when you see him or is it when you hear his voice?  Or is it the moments when he touches you a particular way?

One of my Mates who’s stuck in a ‘married man’ situation said,

‘It’s when he kisses me on my forehead.  The blooming kiss my forehead and it’s all over.”

So, if it’s when you see him, avoid visual contact until your in a better place.

If it’s when when you hear his voice, at that very same moment that his name pops up on your phone, think back to a time when you felt in control. Anytime.  Doesn’t have to be specific to him. Then when the phone rings and his name pops up, relive the memory of when you felt in control and automatically the new feelings of control will kick in, superseding your weak moment. This will miraculously give you the power to ignore the phone call.

Remember, your thoughts affect your feelings and how you feel affects your actions.

And most importantly, STOP BLOOMING HULLUCINATING. If he’s failed to treat you right over the last how many months, he’s hardly gonna start treating you right now.