Mum Murders her Kids

The trial of the Mum who stabbed to death her two teenage children when her marriage broke down in 2007 starts today.

As loving Mothers, I’m sure that that the first thing to cross our minds is how could a Mother do such a thing to her children?

For me, my thoughts went a little deeper than the reports transpired so far.  I couldn’t help but  wonder why none of the reports focused on the state of this Mothers mind leading up to the events.  It was quoted, with little emphasis however, that she said, at least the children will be safe now.

I wonder what she meant by that?

The father of the children on the other hand was dished out a couple of halo’s to stack neatly above his head like a saint.

He may well indeed be a saint, but I just can’t help wondering how much his actions may have contributed to the poor mental health of his ex-wife? With her being a single Mother AND  another failed relationship to contend with, did he show compassion for her current situation when he was dealing with her and issues relating to the kids? Who knows.

I stress, this doesn’t by any means justify her actions.  It’s just that I know the Father of my child had on occasions when my son was younger, driven me insane by his mind games and I  wobbled ferociously on the fence that separated sanity from insanity.

He left me when my son was just a few months old and was so incredibly spiteful,  often spiting my son in order to spite me, I was sure I was going to end up in a nut house. Although we get on well now, he does on occasions still play the odd mind games, I just know how to handle him.

I remember too witnessing an argument in the street between what appeared to be between a Mother and her ex Husband.  Present was his young girlfriend and their young daughter, who looked around age 5 or six.

The Mother was really distressed and screaming at her child to come away from the father.

She was shouting at them saying ‘He doesn’t love you.  He doesn’t care about you anymore, come here. what makes him think he can pick and choose the days he sees you?’

The Father remained calm,  red faced and stood there holding his  girlfriends hand whilst simultaneously, calming the daughter down who like the Mother was in a terrible state.   But still, remained holding hands with his new partner! Talk about adding salt to the wounds and showing a bit of  scruples - not!

It was a sad scene filled with so much pain and many a lost dreams for both Mother and Child.  I still feel emotional now even though this happened a few years back.

I appreciate that I am making a lot of assumptions here, however, when the father of your child leaves you for someone else and a younger model and in this Mums case, a younger model too, it is not easy and one would really have to be in the situation to fully understand how this feels.

My sons’ Dads new girlfriend, who he was seeing whilst I was pregnant (something he denies) was not even younger, nor better looking, yet it was a painful experience that took years to get over. The dream of the two point two kids, the ‘Waltons’ and ‘Little House in the Praire’ fantasy was over just like that in a puff smoke.

Like I said, I am not justifying any woman taking the lives of her children and since writing this she was indeed found guilty of murder as it was proved that she killed the kids just to spite her ex-husband.  But as a Mother, call me naive but I just feel that she couldn’t possibly have been in her ‘right’ state of mind.

I just question too the need for more support groups for woman with children who have become separated from their partners  and wonder if those kids would still be alive today had there been better support structures or groups in place.

Moreover, research has shown that women are financially worst off when they separate from their ex’s and that Men are financially better off!

All this simply adds to the emotional strain. You can’t even afford to go out to meet someone new yourself or afford decent clothes to feel better about yourself.  All this whilst he’s hot footing it around town and travelling the world with some young chicklet on his arm, whist you’re having to feed the 5000 with two loaves and five fishes.

Moreover, handling Terrible Twos, Chicken Pox and numerous trips back and forth to A and E hospitals, alone, is no easy task. I know because I’ve done it.

Getting your Groove Back Tip:

Unless you’ve been through it yourself – don’t judge.

And if you’re going through it…Trust me, you do get over it and get quite pissed with yourself that you wasted all those days and nights worried about the jerk and his silly new girlfriend.  Once you get over it too, you then meet a hunk of your own, or find complete happiness living by yourself and your kid/s and couldn’t think of anything worst than living with someone else and having to put up with all their stuff!

Loosing It With Your Kid

Hey, it’s all a learning curve right.  Even with all my psychology training, studying, courses, the works, I still was able to loose it with my little un today. He was huffing and puffing to get going whilst I was having what I felt was an all important chat with one of my Mummy Mates.

Then I completly lost – it went something like this;

“It’s all about you isn’t it! Why does everything have to be about you. YOU, you, you, you, you.  Mummy needs time too, you know.  But no, Max wants to get going.  It’s all about what Max wants. Max, Max, Max, Max, Max…..

and so it went on…and on, and on. I was on a roll and I couldn’t stop myself. I was telling myself to shut up, but my mouth took on a life of it’s own and just wouldn’t stop. So it continued;

“If Max wants to go, we go.  If Max wants to stop we stop.  If Max says jump, we say how high….” Well What about mmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

All this to a 7 year old kid – Tut Tut…

Getting your Groove Back Tip:

As soon as your able to recognise that your in a state, do something opposite to what you are currently doing. So if your sitting down, get up and walk into another room. If your standing up, go into the bedroom and lie down.  Basically, do something COMPLETELY opposite to what you’re doing at the time.  Likewise, if you have no Music on, crank up the stero.  Do it immediately.  Try it. It’s not easy, but really, really effective. You may have to dig deep within your soul for the energy to do it, but the effort is worth it and it really really works st at the very least, you’ll shut up.

Boring Breathing:

I know it’s boring to hear that same old breathing advise, but this also works. Take it from me, the anti airy fairy guru.

When your stressed, your breathing rises, higher and higher into your chest and shoulders.  Compare this to the way a baby breaths.  They breath from much lower down in their diaphragm.  This is how we used to breathe before the stresses of life stole our groove.  That’s why the breathing stuff works.  Takes you back to your core and centers you.

Shit Happens

Afterwards you’ll feel a bit bad but don’t beat yourself up – Shit happens. Naturally, you don’t want this to happen too often as you’ll be sending out the wrong signals to your kid. The above exercises should prevent this.

But remember, we’re all learning, even super cool me:).