Pushy Parenting

Discussing on the Getting Your Groove Back Show soon.  Subscribe to be kept informed of date.

Kirsty Young who is a wealthy newsreader and also married to a millionaire, condones Pushy Parents.  Well, it’s alright for You Kirst….

I’ve done it all myself.

The airy fairy Open Learning System – No formal lessons until age 7

The Pre Prep, Prepping Private School – 10 hours of homework a night!  and weekends and half term, oh yes, and over Christmas!

Finally, as victims of the recession, I witness now the State of the State system – all backed up with a Tutor or course.

Oh, and not forgetting, every after school club known to Man!

Newsreader, Kirsty Young says Pushy Parenting must stop and that we’re creating nothing more than a set of retaliating monster  hating teenagers.

I too, would share your views Kirst, if I too, had a millionaire for a husband and was living in a  huge multi million pound house. Guess I could afford to relax a little. However, the reality for the average Parent, reliant on the crap education available for our kids, is that we can’t relax! Gosh we so want to just like our parents did – but we can’t.

Admittedly, I’ve got my groove back now, after three moves in three months after leaving the private sector.  My son has finally settled into a lovely school, where he is being suitably challenged.

So does Pushy Parenting work?  Parents after all only want their best for their kids. To bring about maybe the next Kirsty Young perhaps.  Or, are they doing them more harm than good?

That’s the fifty million dollar question.

Getting your groove back advice:

We’ll be discussing this and issues relating to the state vs the private school education system to see if us parents simply need to take chill pill OR have every reason to be panicking our little heads off!

Please share this info with other parents using the link below.

Dating a Toy Boy

The artist Sam Taylor Wood, is up the spout for her 19 year old Toy Boy lover – Good for Her!

Nineteen year olds seem to be in the new ‘Accessory’.  Tad too young for me, I must say – but you go girl!

Getting your groove back advice;

I always advise, that you’ve simply got to open up your options when you’re looking for someone new.  ’Remember, noting has meaning except he meaning you give it and if you keep doing the same thing, you’ll get the same results.

Share this advice with someone else in need using the boxes below. X

Life after Divorce – How to Break Up without Breaking Down

It takes two to fight. If you stop fighting, they’ll be no fight and your ex will stop fighting too!

Madonna said she felt like jumping off of a cliff.  Paul McCartney said he took the positives out of the situation; no More arguing, no More nagging, no More Heather – PEACE at last!

Click Link for Audio Clip for Live Show of, Life After Divorce (press play then wait 30 secs)

Life after a divorce or after a break up from a long term serious relationship can be an emotional nightmare, often including bouts of depression and feelings of deep regret that can last a very long time.  It’s the end of the fairy tale that many simply struggle to get over.

On my Getting Your Groove back show, I was joined by Bill and Francesca from the Divorce Recovery Workshop.

There were moments when we laughed and moments when I had tears in my eyes .  There was moments too when we  all just simply reflected.

Bill, rightly so, is holding on to the dream of perhaps one day remarrying again and still believes in the institution if marriage and I think that’s GROOVE.  Why should one situation dictate the rest of his life.  Just three years has passed so naturally some pain is still evident.  Such a beautiful man, for sure, I wanted to take the pain from out of his heart, but then I know too, I’d be depriving him of the beautiful lessons there are about self to learn along the way.

For Fran,  whose ex husband no longer sees the children, marraige was a road she would rather not travel down again and happily settled with a new boyfriend. Fran was positive and upbeat and certainly had her groove back.

As for myself, for quite a while now I’ve been happy by myself with the thought of living with someone filling me with dread. Every day I’m smiling and loving my career path which simply consumes my days. Perhaps if and when I meet the right person, I appreciate my thoughts on the matter may indeed change.  In the meantime however, Groove is about having fun – which I sure do.

So is there life after divorce?

What was most apparent was that all three of us had different experiences and all at different levels of our recovery. There were times during the interview when I just wanted to hug Bill and tell him that is all gonna be okay.  Trust me I’ve been there and I know your pain.

The key areas for Getting your Groove Back was this:

• Join a support Group such as DWR.  Your friends and family will probably tire of listening to you, but your friends here won’t.
  
  
• Don’t beat yourself up.  It can take quite a few years before you feel yourself again. Each day however, is a step towards recovery.  The lessons on the way can be fun and so rewarding. As long as you keep waking, you’ll discover things about yourself you never knew existed.
  
• Get out of the emotional swimming pool.  As long as you’re swimming around is this pool of anxiety, anger, guilt and fear, you can’t think clearly and it prevents you from applying intellect to the situation.
  
• It takes two to fight.  If you stop fighting, they’ll be no fight and your ex spouse will eventually follow suit.
  

GYGB Shows, Live between 7-8pm Every Thursday by CLICKING HERE at Sydenham Radio.co.uk.

You can email me during the show on studio@sydenhamradio.co.uk, if you would like to ask my guests or myself any questions, or would like to share your own experiences.

Or email me here prior to the show if you have any issues you would like us to discuss.

Are you married to a Control Freak?

LISTEN HERE AUDIO: Are you married to a control freak?

The Katie and Peter splitting story has been rinsed in the press so much that its beginning to bore the absolute pants off of me.

However, there was a recent story about these guys that caught my eye only because there were certain elements that resonated with me.  Now, it’s possible that he is not a control freak and this is just a bit of clever PR spin on Katie’s side.  However, there were details that bought back memories of a control freak who I was once with, so raised the issue of controlling men.

Now Katie’s old mate said that in the early stages of their relationship, Pete was dead jealous of Katie’s thriving career when he was doing bugger all.

Also sounds a bit like the recent claims in the Daily Mail and Mail on Sunday about Ashley Cole’s jealousy towards his wife now she’s more successful than he is.  It seems even the female celebs are not immune to the effects of a husbands ego when they are doing better than he is.

Now her mate claimed three chilling areas about Pete’s controlling nature.  They were that he:

• Hated when she wore revealing clothing
• Tried to stop their friendship
• Appeared like a Mr nice guy to everybody else on the outside world which in turn, makes you sound like you like a nutter when you complain about him

And that’s exactly what my ex did do to me!!!

Indeed, such is the extent of Pete’s PR spin, I reckon he needs a couple of burly weight lifters just to support the ever growing halo above his head.

If the claims are true, like Saint Pete, if I wore a top with just a millimetre of my chest showing, my ex would insist that I don a polo neck.

He’d often knock my friends saying that they weren’t true friend and after slating him to my mates, (deep down I always knew he was a toss pot), on meeting him they would say HOW LOVELY HE WAS!

Spooky or what?

For the record, I’m no huge fan of Katie Price either and this is possibly PR spin for her too. She’s probably the last person I’d opt for having a coffee with.  Regardless, it raises the issue of controlling men.  Therefore, right is right and wrong is wrong and if he was jealous of her in the early days and tried to control her due to his own insecurities, lack of career success in those days and damaged ego, then that’s simply not GROOVY.  It’s Pants in fact and I’m glad Kate’s got rid of your sorry ass if that was the case Pete.  I appreciate that this usually means that the guy has his issues too, but we have to protect ourselves.

Why do I say that? Look at what happened to Katie Piper.  That sick ex-boyfriend of hers who arranged for Sulphuric acid to be thrown in her face.  It starts from emotional abuse this stuff and it’s not okay.  It starts from emotional abuse and has the potential of getting much, much worse.

Getting your groove back tip.

Emotional abuse often leads to physical abuse according to REFUGE, the amazing support organisation for women suffering from both from physical and mental abuse.

I lived in fear too.  Feared that if I ever left my ex, he too would also throw acid in my face.  Not because he loved me – oh no.  But because his very existence was dependent on having control over me because without that control, he was nothing!

It happened to a friend of mine, many years back.  I still feel the pain in my heart today as I did then when I saw what this inhumane monster had done her beautiful face.  On throwing the acid into her face he said, if I can’t have you, then nobody will’.   The damage, even after the best skin grafts in the world, is indescribable. Please let this be a warning to you!

Understand ladies, it is usually a weak insecure man who chooses to exert control in this way.  You must seek help and not bury the issue under the carpet. Once you start talking about it, it’s no longer in the dark, will then serve to empower you and ultimately release you from the shackles.

PS:  Don’t forget also that the support group Refuge deal with issues relating to both Emotional and Physical Abuse.  Click here for further information.

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Whitney’s lost Groove – How to Keep Yours

Poor old Whit did a such a poor job on the x factor the other day I couldn’t help but wonder who in heavens name is mentoring her.  Someone in her close knit circle should of seen the state she was in and not have allowed that performance to go ahead.

She looked awful, is clearly still not well and the drugs have certainly had an effect on her voice.

I was embarrassed for her.  So saddened also that a Man was at the source of her destruction and able to reduce our Diva to what we see today.

Today however, I am reassured by a video I’ve just seen of her on TV.  She looked fab and sounded great too. Just like good old Whit.

Getting Your Groove Back Tip:

• I know from experience that escaping something one is emotionally trapped in is like climbing out of quick sand.
  
• It’s a journey to fully get your groove back and every step made is a milestone.  One has to keep focused on the light at the end of the tunnel.  It’s when there’s no light it feels pretty awful.  The light will reappear however, so never give up becuase that light does come back. It may be small at first – but eventually it grows and grows and gets bigger and bigger
• Then Before you know it… you’re at the beginning of Getting Your Groove Back!

Styling Tips

LISTEN HERE: VICTORIA BECKHAMS SHAG Loving Victoria Beckham’s new hair do featured in the press recently, it’s brilliant – a huge improvement on her spiky look.

Victoria has real angular, pointy features so this new hair do is great for her as it softens them.

The pixie hair do she’s sported up until was not groovy - especially with her being so skinny.  She looked a bit like a chisel.

Her new hairstyle however, certainly gives her GROOVE.

Getting your Groove back tip:

Check out your face and be honest with yourself.

It’s all about counter balancing.  If you have pointy features go for a softer hair do.  If you have a rounded face and rounded features, go for a  straight hair do to elongate your face. X

Ashley Jealous of Cheryl Cole? How to Kick a Jealous Partner to the Kerb

Indeed, he was the famous one when they first met but now with Cheryl featured on just about every magazine shelf at the moment, a successful TV career, a number one single and album has made him into…well not a lot now, according to the Mail on Sunday.

The article effectively stated that in order to steal her GROOVE, he wouldn’t attend the party she had organised to celebrate her single reaching number one.

Getting Your groove back tip:

You never really know if these articles are true, but certainly I know that jealousy can occur when one party is deemed more successful than an other.  Usually also, the route is due to deep routed insecurities on the males part.

If jealousy exists in your home, Sod him – carry on with your party anyway. Believe me I’ve done it.  Tried to reduce myself so  that he can feel better about himself.  It doesn’t work.  He’ll still remain an insecure prick.  Just know when it’s time to move on so that he can find himself a weak babe to dominate whilst you go onto find someone who can handle it!

If you’ve been through a similar situation I’d like to hear from you.

To get the best education for your kids – would you lie?

CLICK HERE: AUDIO –  IS IT EVER COOL TO LIE TO GET THE BEST FOR YOUR KIDS?

Don’t get me wrong, I am dead impressed that Pearl Lowe and her drummer husband Danny Goffey have opted for state education for their son Alfie.  It shows humility, proves they are down to earth and they haven’t lost the plot in this fame game.

However, they lived in Hampstead at the time, so lets be honest guys,  they’re hardly going to face the same issues of parents who are from less desirable areas and still wanting the best for their kids are they? I’ve nothing against Hampsteadites, I have some lovely friends who live there.  It’s not representative of the country on a whole however.

Today it was revealed that the government is thinking of upping the ante by imposing steeper sanctions, such as fines, to  those parents who are caught lying in order to get their kids into a decent school. It’s like a double edged sword isn’t it?  Tell the truth, send him to a failing school and then stress yourself out everyday thereafter.  Or, Lie and risk a criminal record.

Last week,  deputy head Nigel Duncan, was caught out falsifying paperwork to get his kids into a decent secondary school.

However, the government feels that just removing the kids from the school alone is not enough of a deterrent for other passionate parents thinking of doing the same.

My View:

Indeed, lying is not cool and certainly not a cool value to be passing onto your child.  I just kind of feel that the point is being missed here.

I would like to meet however, the Mum or Dad who doesn’t give a hoot about what school their kid goes to.

Due to financial difficulties, I had to move my child from a private school into the state system.  We were lucky because my son was transferring at year 4.  This meant there was more chance of a decent school having a place available.  Moreover, there is less people looking for a place at this time and more people moving homes which helped things.

It still took a lot of work however… many man hours to find that decent school.  I  was simply not prepared to send my son to a school where the ofstead results was less than a 2,  which equates to an overall standard of ‘good’.  In fact, if I’m going to be honest, my groove would of been up in the air had I been unable to get him into a a  school that was not a’ one’, outstanding – which is the highest accolade.

Okay, so ultimately I got him into what is  a ‘one’ outstanding school.  It’s a lovely school, the kids are great and the parents are lovely.  My son comes home happy every day. It’s definitely a more creative way of  learning.

However, there is a huge, huge, huge difference in the level of the work being taught. It is at the very least, one year behind the Private system, yet its the kids from the Private system that my little un will be up against when applying for grammar school places.

I dread to think of the levels being taught in a school with an ofstead score of  four or even five for that matter.

The fact that parents are being forced to lie to get their kids a decent education and to get best for their kids, is tragic.  To have to lie so as not to have to settle for second best is a crime.  Indeed, to have to pretend to be church a goer when your not to get into the school of your choice,  should surely make the government stop and think about the failing schools parents are trying to avoid – by whatever means necessary!

Furthermore, why should I  have to resort to putting my child into a failing school because it’s on my doorstep, is what’s available and because I don’t live in Hampstead?

So the question is, would I lie to get my son into a decent school if I couldn’t afford to live in an area such as Hampstead?  Or, would I  risk sending him to a failing school if that was the only option  available to me – putting at risk both my son’s and my own emotional health for one and him reaching his full potential, as the other?  The sheer stress just thinking about it causes me is indescribable.

So,  if the truth be known, I would either keep him at home or lie.

DOES THAT MAKE ME A BAD PERSON OR SOMEONE WHO JUST WANTS THE BEST FOR THEIR KID?

YOUR THOUGHTS BELOW PLEASE.

Why having a Toy Boy is Groovy!

Artist Sam-Taylor Wood, aged 41 has certainly GOT HER GROOVE BACK, with plans to marry her 19 year old top boy lover.

Personally I think it’s fantastic!

Must admit, I’ve always fancied guys a tad younger than myself.  Their bodies just seem a bit fitter and really, the idea of doing it with a crinkly old man, even if he’s wealthy, fills me with dread.

I remember dating a much older man to myself once.  He was quite wealthy. Very wealthy in fact. All was going well, until that dreaded bedroom moment.

On dropping his pants, he revealed a pair of  huge sparkling white Y Fronts with skinny crinkly legs sticking out of each hole.

I’m sorry, call me prudish, childish, superficial, stupid, small mined, whatever; but I just couldn’t do it.  The deed that is. I was completely turned off.  I’m trying to grow up, really I am.  I know it’s childish, but I’m trying.

Getting Your Groove Back Tip:

40’s is the new 20’s with more and more young celebs dating older women or vice versa.  Look at Madonna and Jesus too – great eh!  Gone are the days that when our hubbies left us for a younger model, meant life was over for us.  Oh no, quite the contrary in fact – now it seems life has only just begun!  Whoohoooo!!!!