Peter Jones wrote an interesting article today encouraging  teenagers to perhaps consider doing more business related qualifications other than academic ones. 

I couldn’t agree with him more.  I’ve always had a bee in my bonnet about the current educational system. To me its like a one track road that provides an enviroment for nurturing only the academic kids amongst us.

Not enough is done to support children who are gifted in sports, for example. A third of the 2012 British Olympic Atheletes will be privately educated.  This rises to almost half of the athletes in sports such as rowing, modern pentathlon and sailing – despite only 7% of the population attending private schools. And even less is done, to nurture those with an entrepreneurial spirit. The A-Level in Business studies deals with only with the theory of business, which is okay, but doesn’t go far enough to address the real tools needed to become an entrepreneur.

Indeed, many top successful business people have little in the way of academic qualifications. Jones, who himself  is a successful millionaire, didn’t actually go to university. 

Many of those who possess gifts other than that of a potential Doctor, Lawyer or Accountant, learnt to look outside of the square and with a dollop of self belief and creativity, became extremely successful in other ways.

So if you don’t feel like doing back flips in the academic sense, perhaps you are in fact, missing your true vocation!

Gove’splans to cut back £55 billion from the Schools rebuilding fund prompted the Transport Minister, Phillip Hammond, to say schools need good teachers and streaming, not sparkling schools!

I agree with the streaming bit, however, do not underestimate for a second the importance of how your environment impacts your thinking.  What you see on the outside has a direct affect on how you feel on the inside.

This is why a brand new outfit often gives you a lift, for example. It’s no coincidence either that private schools do so well, when children are in an environment surrounded by some of the best facilities.

A smart, organised, fresh clean environment improves our mental well being.  Considering the amount of time our children and especially our teenagers spend at school, certainly from a phsycological perspective, it would be money well spent.

NEVER, EVER, EVER make your colour or where you live

 DEFINE WHO YOU ARE.

YOU define them.

Dr Laura’s Racial Rant was not a huge surprise to me. What shocked me more was the aftermath.

Wanda Sykes, who was on Larry Kings programme discussing Dr Laura’s show and said, she couldn’t understand why Blacks were even listening to the programme. That programme it’s not a ‘Black Thing’.

I’m confused…what is a Black thing or a White thing or an Asian thing?

Remember…Nothing has meaning except for the meaning YOU give it.

I’ll say no more on the subject.

For those of you who have not heard the Dr Laura’s interview, it’s here and be prepared because it sucks!

PART ONE

PART TWO

My niece who lives in America and who is Black, uses the N word constantly. In light of this recent explosion I asked her why and she replied,

The word nigga is just a shortened way of writing nigger which only means ignorant and because I know its origin I only use it when its fit!

So I went on to ask her, if SHE uses the word why is it not okay for non blacks to use it?  She has not yet replied.

Have you ever thought about volunteering but hesitate everytime it comes to doing something about it?

Latest research suggests 164 young people become NEET (not in education, employment or training) everyday!

Over 80% of 18-34 year olds say they’re bored on a daily basis.  Over 90% of young adults do not volunteer despite research revealing that volunteering can increase chances of securing a job, earning a higher salary and even getting a promotion.

On Monday 6th August, 2010, I’ll be talking with teenager Brijinder Nijjar, who was NEET but is now a young volunteer. So if its something you’ve thought about doing but not quite had the courage to do anything about it, you can hear what this guy has to say about his experinces.

In the meantime, I’m interested in your views.  Are you NEET?  I can hear you all saying, yeah I’m neat!!!

What are your views on volunteering?

Do you see it as a route to employment?  If not, why and if so I would like to know why also?

Have you volunteered before and what was your experiences?

Do you think this campaign is a load on nonsense?

Please use the comments box below to share your views and I’ll mention them on the show. I will not use your name if you so request.

During Groove Camp, just like the Teenagers and kids who show off their skills on their bikes, skateboards and roller skates - we do to. 

Geeting Your Groove Back is about doing the things you wouldn’t usually do.

For deatils of our next Groove Back session email, ingrismarsh@btinternet.com

Would you lie if you didn’t live in the right catchment area for the best school in the borough? 

I wrote an article for the Guardian on my views on this topic, and geez, all hell was let loose on the comments board.

Click here to read the article and the abuse that followed.

My final word on the topic is this:

I sometimes wonder if the biggest lie we tell, is to ourselves.

There are those who use their financial muscle to buy or rent homes within the catchment areas of the ‘good’ state school, who ordinarily, wouldn’t have moved there. Is that too not a lie and most importantly, immoral? Or is that one of those lovely okay lies?
For those who baptize their child age eight, in order to secure a place in the ‘good’ catholic school – that too is a lie right? Or is that an okay lie too?
And on the subject of the church, there are those busy Mums who help clean the alter everyday after school, once again to secure a lovely reference from the priest for the good secondary school. If it’s not being done from the goodness of their hearts, that too is and out and out lie, right?

It would be unforgivable for to not mention those who pretend they live with their Grandparents who live in the catchement area, pretend their cousin is their sibling (hence have the same surname) and those who even go as far as moving into a caravan within the catchment area… my dears the list goes on.

Many parents, good honest decent parents, either directly or indirectly are doing everything in their power to prevent their child from entering a hell hole. My son is now in what is deemed as a good state school. The teacher won’t start the class, unless everyone is quiet. The notorious kids in the class take on average half hour to calm down. It’s just an hour long class. Now let’s take it up a notch. The kids, who bully, ridicule and disrespect the teacher in class. Who are now not allowed to be expelled? Is it okay for your children to attend a school like that? What should be an hour lesson is now half an hour because of the unruly kids? Perhaps for you. But for many parents, it’s not. So they do what ever they can to avoid that situation. They don’t believe in lying – but are now prepared to go aginst one of the main core values. 

I say the onus should be on the schools to improve and not the parents, who will jump thorough flames if they have to, to avoid having their child, like in the recent case of the schoolboy in Streatham, killed.

‘Why do we have to start being so tidy NOW,’ my son bellowed, on his way back to his bedroom, stomping his feet like the charges in the changing of the guards.
‘I’ll tell you why’, I pointed and hollered back even louder still like an equally spoilt brat. ‘Because Sylvia Amoah said so!’

Sylvia is the Spiritualist counselor I regularly have on my chat show analyzing dreams. So  after last weeks show, she kindly dissected one of my own little nasties.
 ‘You’ve gotta clear out the clutter in that cupboard. Then and only then, will you get clear about which path to take. Get rid of those toxic friendships’, she went on….’AND LET THE LIGHT IN’. 

Sounded like a right sermon. But I knew what she meant. My career … and that wonderfully huge, cupboard in the hall way. My whole life is crammed inside that beloved cupboard. It takes my back and the force of an elephant to squeeze it shut after one of my successful cleaning marathons (kidding nobody but myself, of course).She explains that everything in that cupboard represents my issues. My fears and therefore, my blockages. And now, Spiritualist Sylv’ demands… it’s time to let it all out!

Getting Your Groove Back tip:

While mine’s the cupboard hoarding the mates who mean me no well and the issues relating to the runaway Dad I’ve never met, conversely, there’s the OCD crew. Under their overly-hoovered rugs and puffed up sofas plonked neatly on top, often lurks dysfunctional relationships. And lets not forget my past. The cant-stop-wont-stop eating moments. Each bite of the one too many donuts, oozed a mixture of squidgy jam and low self esteem.

Yet although fear of facing the truth has many guises, they have lots in common too. Number one: You’re kidding nobody but yourself. Number two: They take a whole load of courage to admit to and a tremendous amount of courage to change. Three:  Just like mountains, they’re conquered, one step at a time.  And finally number four. At the top of all those glorious mountains…. Is Groove!
So what’s Groove, my son asked?

Groove puts you in the right place at the right time. Groove, puts a spring in your step and restores the magic in your mojo. Groove, reveals your life’s purpose. And Groove has you looking and most importantly feeling, absolutely great again!!

That’s Groove bebe…that’s groove

The Getting Your Groove Back column can be seen every fortnight in the fabulous, South London Press, Pulse Entertainment Section.

This week, my delightful Panel and I discussed the issue of Discipline.

A recent US survey revealed that 60% of parents admit to giving their kids a bit of a wallop and that kids who are smacked grow up to be more successful as Teenagers !

The research showed that as long as the smacking did not extend beyond the age of twelve, Teenagers who were smacked were more confident, performed better academically, were more confident and had greater aspirations.

So the question  I put to my panel was this.  Should smacking be Banned -YES OR NO?

I’ve never heard so much dithering in all of  my life.  I was taking no prisoners however, and pushed them for an answer (what a meanie)!

It appears that female teenagers are obsessed jealous souls!

Acording to a recent report published today, they are  twice as likely to go through their partners mobile phones and emails seeking evidence of an being unfaithful!

So this week, we addressed the issue of Jealousy and asked, are females nutters, or simply picking the wrong blokes?

 On my panel, is Sylvia Amoah and wait  for it…… a bloke! Yes that’s right.  I wanted to get a male perspective on this one so took the unusal step of inviting one in. So also on my panel this week is Ian Henry. 

 Our Industry expert  is Andrew T Austin, a master of  NLP and Hypnotherapy. I asked him if and how we can behead the Green Eyed Jealousy Monster and ultimately, Get Our Groove Back?

On the days when raising our teenage darlings drives us to the brink of insanity, I’m sure we often wonder, of life without them!!!! 

So, for a bit of light relief and a bit of a giggle, I trecked the streets of London, to ask our wonderful Mothers: What would you be, if you was not a MUM.

I had such great fun conducting this interview, watching the Mums faces light up when they were pondering the thought.  It showed that although we love our Kids dearly and would never wish for anything else, there are times, oh there are times, when we can only but wonder.

Oh nooo. Ronan Keating has been unfaithful with his backing dancer!

Sexting, it seems, is the new way of discovery if your mate has been less than loyal.

 Now Ronan’s gorgeous wife of 12 years is planning on leaving him. Apparently she discovered an ‘undeclared’ mobile phone and there it was, in black and greyish.  Text messages between him and Francine Cornell.

Oh jeez, I so don’t want her to leave.  They’re our Golden Couple.  This is a disaster! Believe me, being a single Mummy ain’t no walk in the park either (although half of his £15 million fortune would sure ease the trod.)

Yvonne Keating’s been seen without her wedding ring and according to the papers, wants out.  I think she’s being rash – I really do.  For once, I don’t see this as a kick-him-to-the-kerb moment.

Excuse me too for being a bit of an old romantic, I just see it as a bit of  harmless fun on his part and perhaps, just perhaps their marriage could be saved.

Joining me for Women Talk this week is Linda Gregson,  Relationship Counsellor from Elm Therapist, Ingy’s Angels’ and my usual panel.

For ordinary folk like me, the sources of my sleepless nights are things like the bills. The ever increasing size of my behind and worrying my self sleepless wondering how many times my son will be mugged before he reaches the tender age of sixteen. In my world, everyday, except Saturdays, is like Dancing on Ice doing multiple triple toe loops and looking something akin to Worzel Gummidge.

For other folk on a Saturday, their CHIEF concern, their ONLY concern in life, is whether or not their nine year old sons football team, will win… their…. cup…Final!

Love my son dearly, but Saturday’s for me is when I begin to look something like a human being. No school run, no blooming homework and if I’ve been organised enough the night before – no housework either. My make up’s on, I’ve wrestled into my Spanx and the curling irons have transformed me and the Medusa inspired mop on my head, into a picture worthy of a Sotheby’s’ auction (okay, slight exaggeration, but you get my gist).

 So naturally, in between those near goal moments, I love to have a good ole natter with the parents’ at the touch line. Only problem is, the Parents don’t wanna talk with me!

Let me explain. The parents, who live this charmed existence, can’t speak! For their bulging, about- to-explode hearts, are being kicked around by fourteen tiny pairs of feet. So, the very last thing on their minds, is having a natter with Hot Totty Ingrid.

Getting Your Groove Back Tip:

The volcanic ash cloud of doom descended upon Norbury, as our team, the Eagles, with a 3-0 lost to the Colts was unable to fly on the most important day of their lives. But all is not lost. Forever equipped for such disasters, my sons’ Dad triumphantly produces a case of beer from the boot of his car. This’ll cheer everyone up, he thought. But nothing appears more difficult to swallow than a looser’s beer. Unlike a winner’s beer, which glides down the throat like velvet, a looser’s beer feels like it’s pierced with metal spikes and cascades down the throat like a hedgehog! Try as we might, the Parents, whose spirit ended at the shrill of the final whistle, look as though they’re on death row,

So I, who so loves winning, is as cool as a cookie and the parents wonder why. So I share my view on the game of life.  

I line the ball up and give it the very best shot I have then let the rhythm of life take over. I trust, that the ball will fall where it was supposed to fall at that moment in time and in the meantime, I let my hair down, learn the lesson and give thanks for the wonderful things I do have.

And that includes, my ever growing, gloriously huge behind.

Check out the Getting Your Groove Back Fortnightly Column in the South London Press, Pulse Section and the Getting Your Groove Back Chat Show on www.GenerationRadio.co.uk Friday between 1-2 pm and Wednesday at 10pm

I think not! Being ‘Bootylishious’, sure didn’t help the career of Sophie Dahl, after all, it’s a Fashion Show not a Figure show for goodness sake!

Teenagers get such hang ups about their bodies. They feel if they are not catwalk thin, then there’s something wrong with them.  Leave the stavation diets to the silly girls who want to persecute themselves to do that job.  What they’re doing is fantasy, it’s not real life, that’s why they look like they’re going to pop it anytime soon.  If teenage girls aspire to be like death on sticks, then more fool you.

Love your body and seek careers, friends and a life that supports the way you look. And that does not include, being obese!  Obesity is the other evil and the biggest problem amongst Teenagers at teh moment.

This week I asked: Is there a place for Plus Size Models on the catwalk? The panel were peeved with my views. What do you think?

When I was made redundant, I had to move my kid into the state system after six years of private education.  Having moved him three times in three months because of the dire ’state’ of the state system (excuse the pun),  the state school I ultimately got him into is fantastic! It’s like getting a Private education for Free!

All that said and done, private schooled kids ultimately achieve 50% of the straight A’s in secondary schools despite only 7% ofthe teenage population attending a private institution!

Humble Pearl Lowe, sends her wee son Alifie to a state school and she’s not short of a few pennies is she?

So in this week,, the question I put to my panel was:  When it comes to private  versus state , are private institutions a waste of Money?

This weeks’ interview on the Mind Body and Soul section was with the lovely Lorraine Gaughn from StressEase. Lorraine advises on the different types of massages available.

Rasing Teenagers, is no easy job, so its papramount to take time out. I asked our massage expert, how often should we have a massage?

Listen to her advice here.

My Podcast Alley feed! {pca-7fdc8133c2f9384703b17c03e4162b18

In this weeks Mind, Body Soul Section, our Physic of the Month, Sylvia Amoah reads my Tarot Cards live on air!  No holes barred.  Is there any truth in this stuff? Does it work? Better still, can it help to get ones’ GROOVE BACK?

I guess the truth is in the pudding.  Listen hear to find out if what she discovered resonates.

This show will be aired in the GYGB show 30/04/10 and 5/5/10

Teenagers sometimes really struggle to say No and as a result, end up in a situation they find difficult to get out of.

This is an article I wrote for The South London Press, demonstrating that adults too, struggle to say that magical word of NO!!!

Well here’s how…

The current chairman for the PTA is stepping down and they want me to take her place. So they’ve kindly called a pre re-election meeting to let me know what the role entails, aka, ‘A hound me into submission meeting’.  ‘Why don’t you do it, I ask? Pointing to the nearest pleader in my sight. ‘Because you’ll be great at rallying new parents in’, they all say in unison like an out of tune choir. ‘You’ve got loads of energy and everyone will listen to you’. I suspect what they’re really saying is: Coz you’ve got the biggest gob Ingrid!

They say if I don’t take up the challenge, the PTA will be no more! No pressure then! My chief concern however, is amount of time it will encroach on my already ‘no time to fart’ diary, but I’m a wee bit nervous about saying that magical word that will save me from this parental onslaught – ‘No’

Closing the loophole to my next excuse of, if it isn’t that bad you continue to do it then, was the current chairman who pleads her Mothers illness as the reason why she’s leaving,. ‘You won’t have to do as many events as I did’, she adds reassuringly. The coalition are nodding furiously in agreement with their hands clasped together as though in prayer.  ‘Honestly’ she soothes, stroking my arm lovingly ‘It’ll be finneeeee’.

In my head, I’m saying, say NO Ingrid. But standing up to these desperate parents hovering over me like a pack of hungry hounds, is a feat even for me. My internal dialogue is now in a full on battle with what is actually coming out of my gob. ‘Err, well…errrrm let me see’, I cowardly murmur.  Yet to take on this task, my own work would suffer, or over exhaustion would be the order of the day. My head is reminding me that I rarely get to bed before midnight, the over flowing in tray and the ten page to do list.  ‘Just say No, for Christ’s sake’, the yet to be defeated voice in my head yells.  Just say NOOOOOO.  

Getting Your Groove Back Tip:

We often put other people’s needs before our own.  But just as we’re about to muster the courage to say, No, the guilt-o-meter kicks in.

The mind is like a soap opera too.  Whenever we think about being assertive, stepping out of our comfort zone or trying something new, not even the writers of Eastenders, can come up with story lines to match what comes into our heads to stop us in our tracks.

So whilst my soap opera mind, says: if you say no, the PTA will become extinct, they’ll be no summer fete. Everyone will think you don’t care about the school; my son will loose his mates, his confidence and therefore his LIFE!!!

What actually happened was this.  I said, ‘No, sorry, gave it a lot of thought, I simply don’t have the time. To which they said…. ’Oh that’s a shame; Sharon will do it then but would be great if you could still get involved and help out whenever you can!

Check out the fortnightly Grtting Your Groove Back Column in The South London Press in the Pulse Section on a Friday!

A bit of light relief for Teenage Mums, so this week we discussed the issue of being asked to remove your shoes when visiting friends or family, or in my case, when I went to a party!

 How do you feel when asked to remove your shoes?  Do you stay or do you go?

This week, was an open and frank interview with Sonia Poulton about Growing up without her Father and how she ultimately got her Groove Back.

I too grew up without my Dad. With single parenting on the increase there are many kids and teenagers that do.  Buy you know what, all is not lost.  Here’s how we makke something wonderful out of a crap situation.  Because thats what Getting Your Groove Back is all about!

Ever thought of Meditation to Get Your Groove Back but don’t really know what is or where to start, or simply don’t know what the hell everyone is on about? Well here’s the info.

On Women Talk this week , I had a fun and lay mans terms discussion with Tessa Watt from The London Shambala Centre, on the subject of Meditation.

We always take what we see for granted, like your child running around in a field or the colour of bricks of your local church.

Now close your eyes for five minutes (if you can) and now imagine never being able to open them again. Imagine your life  being completely in the dark – forever!  Seeing you kids as toddlers but not being able to see them as Teenages.   Lierally, not having a clue what they look like anymore.

It will remind you to be happy for what you haveand to never take even the smallest things in your life for granted.

Listen to the story of how Julie Coakley a mother of two teenage kids who once could see, then she couldn’t. Find out how Julie Coakley, got her groove back after becoming blind, age 42.

Billie Piper suffered from  the silent incapacitating agony of Post Natal Depression.

Silent because many don’t tell.  Incapacitating, because whilst in the midst of it, you struggle to find the energy to get dressed, and when you do, your clothes feel as heavy as the uniform of a fire fighter – only you don’t have the energy to fight the fires. The agony is from the guilt. The guilt from not being able to live up to the fairytale images presented to you in the glossy magazines (text Continues below).

On this weeks Woman Talk, I speak with Lynne Walder on how Being a Yummy Mummy led to her Postnatal depression.

‘I felt like driving my car into a wall’.  Were the words in Lynne Wader’s Journal, a guest on my show, who shared the extracts from her diary describing her darkest moments whilst suffering from post natal depression. The journal was the only thing privy to the dark moments she was too ashamed to share with anyone else whose lives on the surface, echoed those on the magazine covers. Not even her wonderful husband who she always shared everything with.  He eventually mentioned the unmentionable D word. ‘Divorce’.  For surely, with two beautiful children, a wonderful home and an adorable husband, these were supposed to be the happiest days of her life? So why was she not happy? Why, oh why, did it actually feel like death?

Getting Your Groove Back Tip:

Lynne Waldon’s Post Natal depression, stood unrecognised for longer than usual as her symptoms didn’t tick all the boxes. She didn’t feel like killing the kids – yet! The toughest part she said was having no one to share her pains with, as they, like the media, presented their lives to be akin to living in a rose cottage garden with the white picket fence.  No one is prepared to break the ‘code of silence’ of their true struggles.  So ultimately what happens?  It all comes crashing down until we’re forced to face up to how we really feel.  If only we were more open with each other without the fear of being judged.

Lynne did hit a brick wall, but ultimately got her groove back by showing her GP the contents of her journal. The help came in the form of adjusting her thinking, no longer using the magazines as her standard bearer, but more for what they really are – adult fairy tale books.  Lynne has a consultancy to help other families going through the same and most importantly she no longer feels laden with guilt because she, like others, remembers she is doing, the very best she can.

Check out my family column in the South London Press,  every fortnight in the Pulse Section.

Also check out the Getting Your Groove Back Show every Friday between 1-2pm on www.generationradio.co.uk.

It was more like a gentle brain jerker than a tear jerker that made me ask the question, how many more kids out there, who, if rescued from their reality, would be great stars too?

I’m talking about the film THE BLIND SIDE. The story is about a young eighteen year old black boy from the projects, Michael Oher (Quinten Aaron), who was given a second stab at life through the generosity and charity of a wealthy Christian family. The mother, Leigh Anne Touhy (Sandra Bullock), her husband Sean (Tim McGraw), ultimately become his legal guardians and refers to him as their son. The film is based on a true story, the book The Blind side: Evolution of the Game.

It was discovered that, Michael, who fails in just about every other area of his life, has an innate gift for ball games and protective intuition, which basically means, can move extraordinarily quickly to protect a person in a given situation.  This gift especially kicks in for those he cares for.   As such, it was discovered that this innate quality could be transferred into the very important position of protecting the key ‘Quarter Back’ player, in an American football game.

So many hidden gems inside us eh?

I didn’t want this film to end.  Not because of any high drama moments and not because it was a real tear jerker. But because it had a rhythm to it that weaved through me. Despite some very moving moments in the film, it was like lying in a bath and reflecting on life.  It stripped you of your ego and transported you elsewhere.

We all have our own maps of the world – the way we view things.  It’s so easy to think that what we see, what we know is all that there is.  But there’s more than what we know.  On a day to day basis, we can choose to ignore it. Like some of the middle class friends of Leigh Anne friends who chose to ridicule her attempts to make a change. People from the projects too, ignore that another world exists and therefore other choices.

The film taught me about charity.  Real charity. Not just the £2 a month I’ve been giving for the last ten years to the NSPCC and feel that I’m doing my bit. But real hard core sacrifice to make a difference.

It taught me about egos and how it drives so many of us including myself. How many of us get wrapped up with the ego and think it’s the true self.  It made me ask how many of us would rescue another at the risk of damaging our image.

I always ask myself, how a film relates to every day life.  In this case it did.  The following day.

The film made me reflect on the make up of my sons’ new football team.  He is the only black kid on the two teams that make up the entire under nine squad. I don’t think there are more than two white working class kids amongst them either.  The Boden Mums are the new soccer mums.  They wear Hunter wellies and their children’s names are Sebastian, Harry and Thomas.  Many are also privately educated and in between the football sessions they attend rugby and hockey practice too.  The matches are organised by the parents with military efficiency. The training sessions are second to none.  One of the matches today was against a team with a more multicultural make up than ours.  In truth, despite being one player down, (initially three, two eventually turned up) our team struggled.  I heard our coach shout to our team, for goodness sake, you are one team member up.  Our military precision came through in the end and we won 3-0, but it wasn’t a walk in the park!

It made me reflect on the film and remember something someone said to me once.  The best athletes and football players are in the prisons.  I feel quite emotional as I write this, because it certainly was true that if Michael had not been rescued by this family, he too would either be in jail or dead.

How many others are there with the wrong leadership and poor role models who could benefit from being rescued.  How many more Michael Ohrs are there?

And save me the racism lark, because if they’re good, they’re good. Coaches are far too passionate about winning to be concerned about the colour of their skin.

Spare me too from the excuse that the snooty parents have driven them out.  These Mums and Dads are lovely people.  Their reality is this.  Self belief and Practise.  Practice, practice and practice some more.  Dedication, Self Belief and practise.  Self belief is the difference between the winners and the losers. Between those in the prisons and the greats on the football team.

So the question I ask again is this. How many others would benefit from being rescued from the reality that they’ve adopted?

4 STARS

Colin firth plays George, who is a fine Englishman professor baseed in Los Angels teaching English. His partner Jim dies very early on in the film but continues to be featured through flash backs.

Colin Firth’s acting is phenomenal and effortlessly transforms you through all the emotions one experiences as the result of the untimely death of a loved one. As someone who never has enough hours in the day and always chasing my tail,  of all the emotions that exist, loneliness, is the one I least understood – until now.

The film is directed by fashion designer John ford and his creative style is evident in the tempo of the film and the smoky, surreal camera work. Although beautiful, it’s what prevents the film from having mass appeal.

There are some great moments along with some thought proving topics.  One of those is our preconceived ideas about gay relationships.  His best friend Charlie, played by Julianne Moore who is also his ex-lover, talked about the prospect of them getting back together again now that Jim had died, after all, she  rationalised, his relationship with Jim was simply a substitute for the real thing.

At that point I remembered a female friend who was in love with her gay friend and ow I struggled to get my head around it. When I asked her why she was in love with a man who clearly wouldn’t be interested in her,  she said she felt men were only gay because they hadn’t found the right woman yet.  So this part of the film made me realise that this peculiar thinking was more widespread than I  initially thought.

Another great moment in the film was when during a college lecture they talked about the issue of fear.  The fear of gays, the fear of black culture, the fear of the unknown.  It was simply phenomenal with the issues relating to fear covered in more depth than you could ever imagine.

I describe this film as a Fine Earl Grey, not only because of  Colin Firth’s brilliant portrayal of the stiff upper lip Englishman, rigid on the outside, with the same fears as everyone else on the inside but also for his fine acting. And just like Earl Grey, it won’t be everyone’s cup of tea.  But for those who do have a taste for something different, it’s great.

Best of all, I loved the fact that it made gay relationships whole and honest.

If you’re a Gay Teenager, remember, you are who you are, and have nothing to prove to anyone but yourself.

3.5 stars

Getting Your Groove Back Tip:

We women really are our own worst enemy.  What makes us think that men have such little control over themselves that even if we were stark naked in bed, passions exploding the richter scale, their privates right there at that ever so crucial point, that they don’t have the ability to stop? Or should I say, why do we feel we have no right to tell them to stop, if things have got this far? Why do we feel, that we can’t change our minds? Well I have news for you.  We can change our minds and if we do and he forces the issue – it’s RAPE!!! (text continues below).

Listen Below to my interview with Christiane Sanderson from One in Four and views from other women on the issue of Rape.

Ask any bloke you know.  If they were faced with this situation and passions were at an all time high, if he would have the ability to stop, if so requested? Pissed off he might be yes – but he will confirm, that he does have the ability to stop.

Yet in this modern day and age, we as women feel that if we wear a short or revealing clothing, it gives some out of control, dirty old sod the right to pursue us and forcibly abuse us into full blown sex? By wearing a short skirt we, are somehow to blame because poor old, lack-of-control-men, just can’t help themselves.

It drives me absolutely nuts when I read stuff like this.  So many women bark on about being modern and claim to be moving with the times, yet are still able to come out with nonsense like this.

I watched the film Precious with family. There was a scene where Precious’, who was abused and impregnated by her Father, witnessed her Mother blaming her, for the sexual abuse she was subjected to, by her Father. Precious overheard her mother saying that she must have enjoyed it because she didn’t tell anyone.

At that point, my 80 year old old Aunty, quipped, that the Mother was right. The abused young girl most certainly must have enjoyed it, because she did fail to report the abuse to anyone, including her mother! Needless to say, we all briskly jumped down my Aunties throat, negating all evidence of any future thick thoughts, leaving her mouth in the future.

That aside, the question I ask is this.  In this the 21st Century, have we as mature, educated women moved on from making such antiquated statements like my Aunts?

Well if the release of  this recent research is anything to go by, I guess not. Over fifty percent of women feel that women are to blame for rape committed against them because of what they wear.  I guess what these fifty percent of women feel is that if a man sees a woman half naked, by his very nature he simply can’t help himself, therefore she is responsible. Extraordinary!

So let me spell it out for you. We can wear what we blooming hell we want, when we want and how we want.

It gives no man or boy, no right, to force sex upon us and if he does, that my dear is Rape.

Furthermore, for the few women out there who think it’s cool to cry wolf, you too should be punishable by the same jail term as Rapists.  The world has no place for people like you, because it is your deceit the media focuses on deterring from the real, more damaging issue of actual rape cases!

Getting Your Groove Back Advice:

Despite what the papers say, there are some wonderful support groups out there to support victims of Rape and from my own experience, the Police handle such issues sympathetically and with care.

You are not to blame, despite the views of the many unintelligent people around you.

Check out my family column in the South London Press,  every fortnight in the Pulse Section and the GYGB show on Generation Radio , Friday between 1-2pm and Friday’s at 10pm.

Log onto my Extra Help pages for details of your local support groups.

Please share this information with a friend in need, using he boxes below

After ramming down our throats every parenting advice known to man.  Force feeding us Gina Fords’ parenting regime. Insisting on Super Nannys’, hitler style naughty corners and enlisting top graphic designers to dream up time sucking award charts - they now say we should forget about them! The kids that is. Yes.  Forget about them.  Kick the little darlings to the kerb!

They now claim that in order to bring up great kids we are to forget about them and focus on ourselves.

Trying to obtain rock solid advice these days on bringing up the next Einstein, is like nailing jelly to a wall.  The rules just keep moving and not even the experts can agree!

Now the gorgeous David Code, a therapist from America, says that too much time spent focused on our little treasures create demanding kids and exhausted Parents.  Reality is, I don’t know really know how good looking David is, I’ve not seen him, but I sure do love his advice.  My son Max, started crying the other day after his Dad and I had a row.  With all due respects, his and Dad and I don’t row often.  About once every couple of months. Now usually, such a scene would prompt me to bury him in my large buxom boobs, imprint kisses over his entire face and head, smother him with apologies then lay on thick, soothing words of, Mummy and Daddy are sorry darling, so, so, soooooooooooooooo sorry darling!

Stop! This time I chose not to.  It’s just a row for Christs sake and people do row! Welcome to life, is what I chose to say to him this time.  Welcome to life, my little love.

I’m sorry, but if I don’t stick a pin in this situation now, what’s gonna happen?  Every time someone has a row, he’s going to start balling his head off? Sorry, the child needs to get a grip.

It is true too, that many parents hide the real issues of their troubled marriage behind their kids.  Focusing on the kids, helps them to avoid facing the truth of the real issues of their marriage.  In therapeutic terms, it’s known as ‘Triangling’.  Indeed, many also will hide behind other activities such as the cooking, claiming to be the cooking mogul of the family when really they just don’t want to talk to their wives or their husbands.

This Triangling also features in the playground with three girl friends, for example.  Two will often team up and effectively ‘pick on’ the third girl. Thus in this case, the Parents team up and focus on the kids, or another permutation, is a parent and kid that teams up and focus on the third parent.

Getting Your Groove Back Advice:

Every day, along with different parenting advice, we are bombarded with the most frighting statistics pertaining to child rearing.  As mums too, we have that natural instinct to want to protect and care for our kids.  However, you and only you know, when you are using your kids as a rug to bury your real issues under.

I had a Relate Marriage Guidance Councillor on my show a couple of weeks back and seeing a councillor these days, is considered a hip thing to do.  You can even pop by and see one by yourself.  My advice is this.  Clear your issues from under the rug before, like a space ship preparing for launch, an unfavorable situation, blasts the real issues out.

If you do it before it gets to this, at least you stand a chance of saving your marriage!

Check out my family column in the South London Press,  every fortnight in the Pulse Section.

Pearl Lowe and Hubby Geoffy, state educated son Alfie

I’m not sure if the peeps at The London Schools Guide are bored, thick or stupid!

The latest report they revealed today states that as part of their overall assessment of the school, Inspectors are advised to inspect the toilets.

Yes, the Loos!!!

Now, do I give a flying hoot as to whether or not the last bunch of scummy kids in in my local highly achieving school, left toilet paper on the floor or not?  Do I give a chirping monkey, if some over excited little school boy, anxious to return to his game of footy, aimlessly pees over the toilet bowl,  the floor the walls and even the door for that matter, before splashing some water on his hands (if we’re lucky) and sprinting back to his beloved game of football?

Try as I might.  I am struggling desperately, to imagine, putting the state of the blooming loos on my list of importance when trying to find a decent school for my son.

Stone the crows, these guys need to get a proper job, if this is the best information they can offer us. They clearly have no idea as to what we are up against.

I had to move my son three times in three months before I found him a decent school!

True to say, that if I were guided by the League tables and Stats alone, he would of ended up in the worst school of the three.  So I do believe, as parents, we do indeed need another benchmark to measure how good a school is.

Yet the best advice The Good Schools Guide can offer us is,  to check the loos!

Imagine for a moment the tour of the prospective school with the headmistress. She’s all the formalities.  Specs perched at the end of her nose, boring tweed suit and  high pitched voice.  She’s taking you to all the best classes, walking ever so swiftly pass the not so hot ones and showing off the examplary work of the top students. You’ve got your best voice on, your not too over the top skirt and blouse accessorised with a decent neck scarf and asking all the right questions like, the procedure for joining the PTA, for exapmle.  All so  Mrs headmistress of the only decent school in the 50km  radius of your home, offers your kid a place.

Then, post tour,  she asks if  you have anymore questions.

Geez, how I’d love to meet the brave soul.  The super hero Mum or Dad.  The nutter parent, who’d have the dutch courage to ask…

‘Can I inspect the loos?’

Believe me, confidence is not one of my weak points.  On the contrary in fact. My shyness is akin to that of a bull in a china shop. Nonetheless, my lips are sealed.

For I know, that no self respecting headmistress of a decent school, with a waiting list as long and as wide as the  River Thames,  is going to take the kid of the nutty parent, with the obvious sense of a centipede, who asked, to inspect the loos?

Getting your Groove back advice:

When someone is giving you nonsense advice, reduce them in size in your mind.  Reduce them so small in fact that they’re the size of your thumb.  Next, attach mickey mouse’s ears to them -huge ones. Then imaging them speaking quickly and squeakly like Donald Duck.

This will make it so much easier for you to ignore the nonsense coming out of their mouths. Try it – trust me it works. X