You can not understand yourself until you

understand the huge influence your parents

have on your life.

We women really are our own worst enemy.  What makes us think that men have such little control over themselves that even if we’re stark naked in bed, passions have exploded the richter scale, their privates are right there at that ever so crucial point, that they don’t have the ability to stop themselves if we so request? Or should I say, why do we feel we have no right to tell them to stop, if things have got this far? Why do we feel, that we can’t change our minds?

Well I have news for you.  We can change our minds and if we do and he forces the issue – it’s RAPE!!!

Ask any bloke, if faced with this situation and passions had progressed to this crucial point, if he wouldn’t have the ability to stop? Pissed off he might be yes, I agree – but he does have the ability to stop.

Yet in this modern day and age, we as women feel that if we wear a short skirt, it gives some out of control, dirty old sod, the right to pursue us and forcibly abuse us into full on sex? By wearing a short skirt we are somehow to blame because poor, lack-of-control-men, just can’t help themselves.

It drives me absolutely nuts when I read stuff like this.  So many women bark on about being modern and claim to be moving with the times, yet still able to come out with nonsense like this, bringing me to the conclusion that they must have been born this big.

I watched the film Precious with family and friends. There was a scene where Precious’, who was abused and impregnated by her Father, witnessed her Mother blaming her, for the sexual abuse she was subjected to by her Father. Her Mother proclaimed that she must have enjoyed it, because she didn’t tell anyone

At that point, my 80yrd old Aunty, quipped, that the Mother was right. The abused young girl most certainly must have enjoyed it, because she did indeed, fail to report the abuse to her Mum or anyone else for that matter! Needless to say, we all briskly jumped down my Aunties throat, negating all evidence of any future thick comments such as this, leaving her mouth, in the future.

That aside, the question I ask is this.  In this, the 21st Century, have we, as mature, educated women, moved on from making such antiquated statements like my Aunts?

Well if the release of  recent research is anything to go by, I guess not. Over fifty percent of women say that women are to blame for rape committed against them because of what they wear.  I guess what these fifty percent of women feel is that if a man sees a woman half naked, by his very nature he simply can’t help himself, therefore she is responsible. Extraordinary!

So let me spell it out for you. We can wear what we blooming hell we want, when we want and how we want.

It gives no man or boy, no right, to force sex upon us and if he does, that my dear, is Rape.

Furthermore, for the few women out there who think it’s cool to cry wolf, you too should be punishable by the same jail term as Rapists.  The world has no place for people like you, that has made your deceit the media focus and deterring from the real, more damaging issue of actual Rape cases!

Getting Your Groove Back Advice:

Despite what the papers say, there are some wonderful support groups out there to support victims of Rape and from my own experience, the Police handle such issues sympathetically and with care.

You are not to blame, despite the views of the many unintelligent people around you.

On the 4th March, I’ll be interviewing a representative from One In Four - an amazing support group that helps to get the groove back into victims of sexual abuse and sexual violence.  Listen Live by logging in online to Sydenham Radio.co.uk at 7pm.

Log onto my Extra Help pages for details of your local support groups.

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After ramming down our throats every parenting advice known to man.  Force feeding us Gina Fords’ parenting regime. Insisting on Super Nannys’, hitler style naughty corners and enlisting top graphic designers to dream up time sucking award charts - they now say we should forget about them! The kids that is. Yes.  Forget about them.  Kick the little darlings to the kerb!

They now claim that in order to bring up great kids we are to forget about them and focus on ourselves.

Trying to obtain rock solid advice these days on bringing up the next Einstein, is like nailing jelly to a wall.  The rules just keep moving and not even the experts can agree!

Now the gorgeous David Code, a therapist from America, says that too much time spent focused on our little treasures create demanding kids and exhausted Parents.  Reality is, I don’t know really know how good looking David is, I’ve not seen him, but I sure do love his advice.  My son Max, started crying the other day after his Dad and I had a row.  With all due respects, his and Dad and I don’t row often.  About once every couple of months. Now usually, such a scene would prompt me to bury him in my large buxom boobs, imprint kisses over his entire face and head, smother him with apologies then lay on thick, soothing words of, Mummy and Daddy are sorry darling, so, so, soooooooooooooooo sorry darling!

Stop! This time I chose not to.  It’s just a row for Christs sake and people do row! Welcome to life, is what I chose to say to him this time.  Welcome to life, my little love.

I’m sorry, but if I don’t stick a pin in this situation now, what’s gonna happen?  Every time someone has a row, he’s going to start balling his head off? Sorry, the child needs to get a grip.

It is true too, that many parents hide the real issues of their troubled marriage behind their kids.  Focusing on the kids, helps them to avoid facing the truth of the real issues of their marriage.  In therapeutic terms, it’s known as ‘Triangling’.  Indeed, many also will hide behind other activities such as the cooking, claiming to be the cooking mogul of the family when really they just don’t want to talk to their wives or their husbands.

This Triangling also features in the playground with three girl friends, for example.  Two will often team up and effectively ‘pick on’ the third girl. Thus in this case, the Parents team up and focus on the kids, or another permutation, is a parent and kid that teams up and focus on the third parent.

Getting Your Groove Back Advice:

Every day, along with different parenting advice, we are bombarded with the most frighting statistics pertaining to child rearing.  As mums too, we have that natural instinct to want to protect and care for our kids.  However, you and only you know, when you are using your kids as a rug to bury your real issues under.

I had a Relate Marriage Guidance Councillor on my show a couple of weeks back and seeing a councillor these days, is considered a hip thing to do.  You can even pop by and see one by yourself.  My advice is this.  Clear your issues from under the rug before, like a space ship preparing for launch, an unfavorable situation, blasts the real issues out.

If you do it before it gets to this, at least you stand a chance of saving your marriage!

Pearl Lowe and Hubby Geoffy, state educated son Alfie

I’m not sure if the peeps at The London Schools Guide are bored, thick or stupid!

The latest report they revealed today states that as part of their overall assessment of the school, Inspectors are advised to inspect the toilets.

Yes, the Loos!!!

Now, do I give a flying hoot as to whether or not the last bunch of scummy kids in in my local highly achieving school, left toilet paper on the floor or not?  Do I give a chirping monkey, if some over excited little school boy, anxious to return to his game of footy, aimlessly pees over the toilet bowl,  the floor the walls and even the door for that matter, before splashing some water on his hands (if we’re lucky) and sprinting back to his beloved game of football?

Try as I might.  I am struggling desperately, to imagine, putting the state of the blooming loos on my list of importance when trying to find a decent school for my son.

Stone the crows, these guys need to get a proper job, if this is the best information they can offer us. They clearly have no idea as to what we are up against.

I had to move my son three times in three months before I found him a decent school!

True to say, that if I were guided by the League tables and Stats alone, he would of ended up in the worst school of the three.  So I do believe, as parents, we do indeed need another benchmark to measure how good a school is.

Yet the best advice The Good Schools Guide can offer us is,  to check the loos!

Imagine for a moment the tour of the prospective school with the headmistress. She’s all the formalities.  Specs perched at the end of her nose, boring tweed suit and  high pitched voice.  She’s taking you to all the best classes, walking ever so swiftly pass the not so hot ones and showing off the examplary work of the top students. You’ve got your best voice on, your not too over the top skirt and blouse accessorised with a decent neck scarf and asking all the right questions like, the procedure for joining the PTA, for exapmle.  All so  Mrs headmistress of the only decent school in the 50km  radius of your home, offers your kid a place.

Then, post tour,  she asks if  you have anymore questions.

Geez, how I’d love to meet the brave soul.  The super hero Mum or Dad.  The nutter parent, who’d have the dutch courage to ask…

‘Can I inspect the loos?’

Believe me, confidence is not one of my weak points.  On the contrary in fact. My shyness is akin to that of a bull in a china shop. Nonetheless, my lips are sealed.

For I know, that no self respecting headmistress of a decent school, with a waiting list as long and as wide as the  River Thames,  is going to take the kid of the nutty parent, with the obvious sense of a centipede, who asked, to inspect the loos?

Getting your Groove back advice:

When someone is giving you nonsense advice, reduce them in size in your mind.  Reduce them so small in fact that they’re the size of your thumb.  Next, attach mickey mouse’s ears to them -huge ones. Then imaging them speaking quickly and squeakly like Donald Duck.

This will make it so much easier for you to ignore the nonsense coming out of their mouths. Try it – trust me it works. X

Young girls seem to be unhappier than ever according to a recent report.  The chief reason for their unhappiness however, is not because their parents have split, nor because they are unhappy at school.  The chief reason for young girls being unhappy is, because of the way they look!!!!….What is the world coming to?

Teenage pregnancy is also on the increase and teenagers who have grown up without a Father are more likely to be a teenage parents.

Does the ’The Girls House‘ in Sydenham with their workshops and courses help to address some of these issues?

Joining me on 18th February, for a cup of tea and a slice of cake is Julia Mansell and a young volunteer from ‘The Girls House’. Their aim is to engage young females making them aware of services locally, advise them of their rights if assaulted, provide advice on setting personal boundaries and to understand themselves better, to name but a few.

Together, we will provide help and advice as to how you can Get the Groove Back in your teenage daughter? Or better still, why not listen together?

If you have any questions you would like answered  during the show, or advice, prior to the show, you can email in advance, re: The getting your groove back show - GYGB Girls

Discussed

of the Getting Your Groove Back Show on with with Melinda

Walker,  qualified Relate Counsellor

coming soon: PODCAST OF SHOW.  SUBSCRIBE NOW TO BE ADVISED OF WHEN AVAILABLE

Remember the skin on your hands is thinner than the skin on your face, so needs extra special care.  It is also a sure sign of ageing.  Check out Madonna’s hands next to her face – they really are a give away!

It was something one of my toy boy admirers said to me once and it has  stuck with me ever since.

‘You can always tell the age of a woman by her hands’!

Moisturise 4 times a day and always have some lush, indulgent, thick hand cream by the bathroom sink. Remember too, to slap loads on before you go to bed.

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Discussed on the Getting Your Groove Back  show.  To listen to the show, check back soon for the podcast.

Sharon Osbourne and Katie Price were voted the most confident celebrity women in a recent survey.

Women have a total of 38 negative thoughts about themselves a day, according to recent research… and that’s not just about their bodies.

It was also reported that the majority of children are unhappy becuase of how they look – Crikey!

So is confidence something we’re born with?  Is it genetic so there is simply nothing we can do about it?  Or are we born confident, but life’s ups and downs simply strips it away?

PODCAST OF SHOW COMING SOON.  CHECK BACK SOON

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