‘Why do we have to start being so tidy NOW,’ my son bellowed, on his way back to his bedroom, stomping his feet like the charges in the changing of the guards.
‘I’ll tell you why’, I pointed and hollered back even louder still like an equally spoilt brat. ‘Because Sylvia Amoah said so!’

Sylvia is the Spiritualist counselor I regularly have on my chat show analyzing dreams. So  after last weeks show, she kindly dissected one of my own little nasties.
 ‘You’ve gotta clear out the clutter in that cupboard. Then and only then, will you get clear about which path to take. Get rid of those toxic friendships’, she went on….’AND LET THE LIGHT IN’. 

Sounded like a right sermon. But I knew what she meant. My career … and that wonderfully huge, cupboard in the hall way. My whole life is crammed inside that beloved cupboard. It takes my back and the force of an elephant to squeeze it shut after one of my successful cleaning marathons (kidding nobody but myself, of course).She explains that everything in that cupboard represents my issues. My fears and therefore, my blockages. And now, Spiritualist Sylv’ demands… it’s time to let it all out!

Getting Your Groove Back tip:

While mine’s the cupboard hoarding the mates who mean me no well and the issues relating to the runaway Dad I’ve never met, conversely, there’s the OCD crew. Under their overly-hoovered rugs and puffed up sofas plonked neatly on top, often lurks dysfunctional relationships. And lets not forget my past. The cant-stop-wont-stop eating moments. Each bite of the one too many donuts, oozed a mixture of squidgy jam and low self esteem.

Yet although fear of facing the truth has many guises, they have lots in common too. Number one: You’re kidding nobody but yourself. Number two: They take a whole load of courage to admit to and a tremendous amount of courage to change. Three:  Just like mountains, they’re conquered, one step at a time.  And finally number four. At the top of all those glorious mountains…. Is Groove!
So what’s Groove, my son asked?

Groove puts you in the right place at the right time. Groove, puts a spring in your step and restores the magic in your mojo. Groove, reveals your life’s purpose. And Groove has you looking and most importantly feeling, absolutely great again!

That’s Groove bebe…that’s groove!

The Getting Your Groove Back column can be seen every fortnight in the fabulous, South London Press, Pulse Entertainment Section.

For ordinary folk like me, the sources of my sleepless nights are things like the bills. The ever increasing size of my behind and worrying my self sleepless wondering how many times my son will be mugged before he reaches the tender age of ten. In my world, everyday, except Saturdays, is like Dancing on Ice doing multiple triple toe loops and looking something akin to Worzel Gummidge.

For other folk on a Saturday, their CHIEF concern, their ONLY concern in life, is whether or not their nine year old sons football team, will win… their…. cup…Final!

Love my son dearly, but Saturday’s for me is when I begin to look something like a human being. No school run, no blooming homework and if I’ve been organised enough the night before – no housework either. My make up’s on, I’ve wrestled into my Spanx and the curling irons have transformed me and the Medusa inspired mop on my head, into a picture worthy of a Sotheby’s’ auction (okay, slight exaggeration, but you get my gist).

 So naturally, in between those near goal moments, I love to have a good ole natter with the parents’ at the touch line. Only problem is, the Parents don’t wanna talk with me!

Let me explain. The parents, who live this charmed existence, can’t speak! For their bulging, about- to-explode hearts, are being kicked around by fourteen tiny pairs of feet. So, the very last thing on their minds, is having a natter with Hot Totty Ingrid.

Getting Your Groove Back Tip:

The volcanic ash cloud of doom descended upon Norbury, as our team, the Eagles, with a 3-0 lost to the Colts was unable to fly on the most important day of their lives. But all is not lost. Forever equipped for such disasters, my sons’ Dad triumphantly produces a case of beer from the boot of his car. This’ll cheer everyone up, he thought. But nothing appears more difficult to swallow than a looser’s beer. Unlike a winner’s beer, which glides down the throat like velvet, a looser’s beer feels like it’s pierced with metal spikes and cascades down the throat like a hedgehog! Try as we might, the Parents, whose spirit ended at the shrill of the final whistle, look as though they’re on death row,

So I, who so loves winning, is as cool as a cookie and the parents wonder why. So I share my view on the game of life.  

I line the ball up and give it the very best shot I have then let the rhythm of life take over. I trust, that the ball will fall where it was supposed to fall at that moment in time and in the meantime, I let my hair down, learn the lesson and give thanks for the wonderful things I do have.

And that includes, my ever growing, gloriously huge behind.

Check out the Getting Your Groove Back Fortnightly Column in the South London Press, Pulse Section and the Getting Your Groove Back Chat Show on www.GenerationRadio.co.uk Friday between 1-2 pm and Wednesday at 10pm

The current chairman for the PTA is stepping down and they want me to take her place. So they’ve kindly called a pre re-election meeting to let me know what the role entails, aka, ‘A hound me into submission meeting’.  ‘Why don’t you do it, I ask? Pointing to the nearest pleader in my sight. ‘Because you’ll be great at rallying new parents in’, they all say in unison like an out of tune choir. ‘You’ve got loads of energy and everyone will listen to you’. I suspect what they’re really saying is: Coz you’ve got the biggest gob Ingrid!

They say if I don’t take up the challenge, the PTA will be no more! No pressure then! My chief concern however, is amount of time it will encroach on my already ‘no time to fart’ diary, but I’m a wee bit nervous about saying that magical word that will save me from this parental onslaught – ‘No’

Closing the loophole to my next excuse of, if it isn’t that bad you continue to do it then, was the current chairman who pleads her Mothers illness as the reason why she’s leaving,. ‘You won’t have to do as many events as I did’, she adds reassuringly. The coalition are nodding furiously in agreement with their hands clasped together as though in prayer.  ‘Honestly’ she soothes, stroking my arm lovingly ‘It’ll be finneeeee’.

In my head, I’m saying, say NO Ingrid. But standing up to these desperate parents hovering over me like a pack of hungry hounds, is a feat even for me. My internal dialogue is now in a full on battle with what is actually coming out of my gob. ‘Err, well…errrrm let me see’, I cowardly murmur.  Yet to take on this task, my own work would suffer, or over exhaustion would be the order of the day. My head is reminding me that I rarely get to bed before midnight, the over flowing in tray and the ten page to do list.  ‘Just say No, for Christ’s sake’, the yet to be defeated voice in my head yells.  Just say NOOOOOO.  

Getting Your Groove Back Tip:

We often put other people’s needs before our own.  But just as we’re about to muster the courage to say, No, the guilt-o-meter kicks in.

The mind is like a soap opera too.  Whenever we think about being assertive, stepping out of our comfort zone or trying something new, not even the writers of Eastenders, can come up with story lines to match what comes into our heads to stop us in our tracks.

So whilst my soap opera mind, says: if you say no, the PTA will become extinct, they’ll be no summer fete. Everyone will think you don’t care about the school; my son will loose his mates, his confidence and therefore his LIFE!!!

What actually happened was this.  I said, ‘No, sorry, gave it a lot of thought, I simply don’t have the time. To which they said…. ’Oh that’s a shame; Sharon will do it then but would be great if you could still get involved and help out whenever you can!

Check out the fortnightly Grtting Your Groove Back Column in The South London Press in the Pulse Section on a Friday!

Getting Your Groove Back Tip:

After ramming down our throats every parenting advice known to man.  Force feeding us Gina Fords’ parenting regime. Insisting on Super Nannys’, hitler style naughty corners and enlisting top graphic designers to dream up time sucking award charts - they now say we should forget about them! The kids that is. Yes.  Forget about them.  Kick the little darlings to the kerb!

They now claim that in order to bring up great kids we are to forget about them and focus on ourselves.

Trying to obtain rock solid advice these days on bringing up the next Einstein, is like nailing jelly to a wall.  The rules just keep moving and not even the experts can agree!

Now the gorgeous David Code, a therapist from America, says that too much time spent focused on our little treasures create demanding kids and exhausted Parents.  Reality is, I don’t know really know how good looking David is, I’ve not seen him, but I sure do love his advice.  My son Max, started crying the other day after his Dad and I had a row.  With all due respects, his and Dad and I don’t row often.  About once every couple of months. Now usually, such a scene would prompt me to bury him in my large buxom boobs, imprint kisses over his entire face and head, smother him with apologies then lay on thick, soothing words of, Mummy and Daddy are sorry darling, so, so, soooooooooooooooo sorry darling!

Stop! This time I chose not to.  It’s just a row for Christs sake and people do row! Welcome to life, is what I chose to say to him this time.  Welcome to life, my little love.

I’m sorry, but if I don’t stick a pin in this situation now, what’s gonna happen?  Every time someone has a row, he’s going to start balling his head off? Sorry, the child needs to get a grip.

It is true too, that many parents hide the real issues of their troubled marriage behind their kids.  Focusing on the kids, helps them to avoid facing the truth of the real issues of their marriage.  In therapeutic terms, it’s known as ‘Triangling’.  Indeed, many also will hide behind other activities such as the cooking, claiming to be the cooking mogul of the family when really they just don’t want to talk to their wives or their husbands.

This Triangling also features in the playground with three girl friends, for example.  Two will often team up and effectively ‘pick on’ the third girl. Thus in this case, the Parents team up and focus on the kids, or another permutation, is a parent and kid that teams up and focus on the third parent.

Getting Your Groove Back Advice:

Every day, along with different parenting advice, we are bombarded with the most frighting statistics pertaining to child rearing.  As mums too, we have that natural instinct to want to protect and care for our kids.  However, you and only you know, when you are using your kids as a rug to bury your real issues under.

I had a Relate Marriage Guidance Councillor on my show a couple of weeks back and seeing a councillor these days, is considered a hip thing to do.  You can even pop by and see one by yourself.  My advice is this.  Clear your issues from under the rug before, like a space ship preparing for launch, an unfavorable situation, blasts the real issues out.

If you do it before it gets to this, at least you stand a chance of saving your marriage!

Check out my family column in the South London Press,  every fortnight in the Pulse Section.

Pearl Lowe and Hubby Geoffy, state educated son Alfie

I’m not sure if the peeps at The London Schools Guide are bored, thick or stupid!

The latest report they revealed today states that as part of their overall assessment of the school, Inspectors are advised to inspect the toilets.

Yes, the Loos!!!

Now, do I give a flying hoot as to whether or not the last bunch of scummy kids in in my local highly achieving school, left toilet paper on the floor or not?  Do I give a chirping monkey, if some over excited little school boy, anxious to return to his game of footy, aimlessly pees over the toilet bowl,  the floor the walls and even the door for that matter, before splashing some water on his hands (if we’re lucky) and sprinting back to his beloved game of football?

Try as I might.  I am struggling desperately, to imagine, putting the state of the blooming loos on my list of importance when trying to find a decent school for my son.

Stone the crows, these guys need to get a proper job, if this is the best information they can offer us. They clearly have no idea as to what we are up against.

I had to move my son three times in three months before I found him a decent school!

True to say, that if I were guided by the League tables and Stats alone, he would of ended up in the worst school of the three.  So I do believe, as parents, we do indeed need another benchmark to measure how good a school is.

Yet the best advice The Good Schools Guide can offer us is,  to check the loos!

Imagine for a moment the tour of the prospective school with the headmistress. She’s all the formalities.  Specs perched at the end of her nose, boring tweed suit and  high pitched voice.  She’s taking you to all the best classes, walking ever so swiftly pass the not so hot ones and showing off the examplary work of the top students. You’ve got your best voice on, your not too over the top skirt and blouse accessorised with a decent neck scarf and asking all the right questions like, the procedure for joining the PTA, for exapmle.  All so  Mrs headmistress of the only decent school in the 50km  radius of your home, offers your kid a place.

Then, post tour,  she asks if  you have anymore questions.

Geez, how I’d love to meet the brave soul.  The super hero Mum or Dad.  The nutter parent, who’d have the dutch courage to ask…

‘Can I inspect the loos?’

Believe me, confidence is not one of my weak points.  On the contrary in fact. My shyness is akin to that of a bull in a china shop. Nonetheless, my lips are sealed.

For I know, that no self respecting headmistress of a decent school, with a waiting list as long and as wide as the  River Thames,  is going to take the kid of the nutty parent, with the obvious sense of a centipede, who asked, to inspect the loos?

Getting your Groove back advice:

When someone is giving you nonsense advice, reduce them in size in your mind.  Reduce them so small in fact that they’re the size of your thumb.  Next, attach mickey mouse’s ears to them -huge ones. Then imaging them speaking quickly and squeakly like Donald Duck.

This will make it so much easier for you to ignore the nonsense coming out of their mouths. Try it – trust me it works. X

Young girls seem to be unhappier than ever according to a recent report.  The chief reason for their unhappiness however, is not because their parents have split, nor because they are unhappy at school.  The chief reason for young girls being unhappy is, because of the way they look!!!!….What is the world coming to?

Teenage pregnancy is also on the increase and teenagers who have grown up without a Father are more likely to be a teenage parents.

Does the ’The Girls House‘ in Sydenham with their workshops and courses help to address some of these issues?

Joining me on 18th February, for a cup of tea and a slice of cake is Julia Mansell and a young volunteer from ‘The Girls House’. Their aim is to engage young females making them aware of services locally, advise them of their rights if assaulted, provide advice on setting personal boundaries and to understand themselves better, to name but a few.

Together, we will provide help and advice as to how you can Get the Groove Back in your teenage daughter? Or better still, why not listen together?

Sandra Bullocks, who’s married to Jesse James, admits her three step kids call her the Step Monster – which she rightly laughs off.  Not always easy I know, but it’s the only way.

Looking at the situation from everyone’s perspective is the route to perfect harmony. 

Step children and Step Parenting is the product of modern day relationships – I call it dating in the 21st Century.

It’s almost unavoidable to meet and marry someone these days who does not already have children. Just today, I met a young pretty girl no older than 25, who is doing the fortnightly trips to Scotland with her boyfriend to visit his two kids from a previous relationship.  I’m sure that wasn’t the plan for her or her parents when she was growing up –  but hey ho – welcome to life!

It’s so tough for everyone involved.  Enough has already been written about the failure rates for second marraiges  attributed mainly to the issue of the step kids, so there is little point going on about the same.  We’re all about finding solutions here.

My son often refers to his Dad’s girlfriend and my boyfriend in the most unfavorable terms no matter how much I tell him not to – when really, he’s just afraid of loosing us both.  There are so just many fears and anxiety’s flying around it’s difficult to put a lid on it.

Getting Your Groove Back Advice:

• Leave discipline to the biological parent
• Understand, everything takes time.  The situation does eventually find it’s groove.
• Children often eventually feel pleased that they have additional brothers and sisters and are part of a larger family
• Try DESPERATELY to see things from everybody’s perspective
• The children didn’t ask for this situation.  You are the adult.  Children are not emotionally equipped to deal with this logically – You are, or are supposed to be!
• Consider sending the children to a kids coach, such as Naomi Richards.
• Understand that kids often feel disloyal to their biological parent if they love you too.
• Establish another relationship with them. You are not the kids replacment Mum.  They already have a mum.  You can however, be a wonderful Aunty figure to them
• Finally, STAY CALM AND CARRY ON. Smile and add humour to the situation like Sandra Bullock.  Read the blog dulwichdivorcee.com if you want a laugh.

Millionaire Kirsty Young Says Pushy Parents must Stop

Discussing on the Getting Your Groove Back Show soon.  Subscribe to be kept informed of date.

Kirsty Young who is a wealthy newsreader and also married to a millionaire, condones Pushy Parents.  Well, it’s alright for You Kirst….

I’ve done it all myself.

The airy fairy Open Learning System – No formal lessons until age 7

The Pre Prep, Prepping Private School – 10 hours of homework a night!  and weekends and half term, oh yes, and over Christmas!

Finally, as victims of the recession, I witness now the State of the State system – all backed up with a Tutor or course.

Oh, and not forgetting, every after school club known to Man!

Newsreader, Kirsty Young says Pushy Parenting must stop and that we’re creating nothing more than a set of retaliating monster  hating teenagers.

I too, would share your views Kirst, if I too, had a millionaire for a husband and was living in a  huge multi million pound house. Guess I could afford to relax a little. However, the reality for the average Parent, reliant on the crap education available for our kids, is that we can’t relax! Gosh we so want to just like our parents did – but we can’t.

Admittedly, I’ve got my groove back now, after three moves in three months after leaving the private sector.  My son has finally settled into a lovely school, where he is being suitably challenged.

So does Pushy Parenting work?  Parents after all only want their best for their kids. To bring about maybe the next Kirsty Young perhaps.  Or, are they doing them more harm than good?

That’s the fifty million dollar question.

Getting your groove back advice:

We’ll be discussing this and issues relating to the state vs the private school education system to see if us parents simply need to take chill pill OR have every reason to be panicking our little heads off!

Please share this info with other parents using the link below.

Parenting in the 21st Century is no easy task. Remember – You’re doing the best you can!

More and more I speak to parents who are bamboozled with the education options available to them, Is it wrong to smack em.  Are worried their kids are not talking, walking, reading, jumping and skipping the way other kids are. Are in disarray with new and ever changing parenting advice and are quite frankly at their wits end.

This coupled with the fact that we have to be great wives or partners, look great, run an efficient home and expected to have kids that are the smartest, politest, most groomed and the happiest kid in town, is simply not achievable.

The reality is, if we are trying to raise kids that constantly look like the kids at the front of Your baby and Junior magazine, then your already doomed.

Welcome to the real world of parenting, where

• We’re constantly questioning if we’re doing it right.
• We’re constantly comparing our kids
• We loose it now and again
• Parents often feel alone and isolated
• We’re having to start thinking of secondary schools prior to them being conceived
• We’re stressed to the hills
• Constantly reminded by our parents that it wasn’t like this in ‘their day’
• Constantly bombarded with images of celebrity Mums who seem sooooooooo happy, thus making us feel inadequate
• ME time is a swear word
• You have to constantly worry about their safety, not just on the roads and in schools, but also from the paedophile uncle or Auntie
• Everyday the newspapers quote some other statistic, fact or parenting advice from some professed parenting expert to make us feel even more inadequate or unsuitable parent
• and so the list goes on.

BUT CHIN UP! Because that what Getting Your Groove Back is all about.  Sticking you two fingers up to lists like the above and having a good old fashioned larf with yourself and the kids.

It’s parenting advice with Groove.  It consists of only three or four major rules that our in line with your core values  and throwing the rest in the bin. It’s the opposite to OCD. It’s about letting go and going back to basics adopting only the new bits that suit you.

Our parenting advice is about getting the wind back in your hair and passing that freedom onto your kids.

Our parenting advice, is about saving yourself first. It’s about putting yourslef first – before your kid.  Yes you heard right.  Before your kids.

Education:

Read our article on Gina Ford versus Angelina Jolie.  Remember, there are no right or wrongs (except child battery and putting them in black bags that is), in this parenting game.

Each child has their own finger prints as is the case of each school. So there’s no point asking another parent what’s that nursery or school is like.  You’ll get the answer of what that school like for their kid.  Their kid, just in case you didn’t know’, is not your kid. The mother you are asking is only generally able to answer the question based on her perspective for her child. So get with the programme.  Every child has their own needs.

Behavioual Issues:

I tend to have a bit of a problem with labels that parenting advisors often give to children.  Your Dyslexic, you’ve got autism oh and your an ADSH kid.  Then the moment that label is given to a child, that’s it.  That’s all the parenting advisor and the parent sees.

So here’s a test by what I mean.  I want you to close you eyes. You actually have to close them….now when you open your eyes, I want you to see all the things around you that are green.  I bet you see more green around you than you’d see ordinarily?  That’s because you were looking out for it.

That’s my point.  They say your kid’s got autism.  They give you a leaflet with the symptoms.  Then that’s all you see – in your kid that is.  It gets worst.  You then go onto the Internet and there’s more info. Much, much , much more info. Then the way your little un would do something that you would see as cute is cute no more and is now autism.

It drives me nuts – labels that is, becuase we just start living to the boundaries that labels set for us

Fashion:

A billion articles always written on stuff like this for kids.  Geez is it that important.  Whatever works for you.  That’s all I’ve got to say on the matter.

CLICK HERE: AUDIO –  IS IT EVER COOL TO LIE TO GET THE BEST FOR YOUR KIDS?

Don’t get me wrong, I am dead impressed that Pearl Lowe and her drummer husband Danny Goffey have opted for state education for their son Alfie.  It shows humility, proves they are down to earth and they haven’t lost the plot in this fame game.

However, they lived in Hampstead at the time, so lets be honest guys,  they’re hardly going to face the same issues of parents who are from less desirable areas and still wanting the best for their kids are they? I’ve nothing against Hampsteadites, I have some lovely friends who live there.  It’s not representative of the country on a whole however.

Today it was revealed that the government is thinking of upping the ante by imposing steeper sanctions, such as fines, to  those parents who are caught lying in order to get their kids into a decent school. It’s like a double edged sword isn’t it?  Tell the truth, send him to a failing school and then stress yourself out everyday thereafter.  Or, Lie and risk a criminal record.

Last week,  deputy head Nigel Duncan, was caught out falsifying paperwork to get his kids into a decent secondary school.

However, the government feels that just removing the kids from the school alone is not enough of a deterrent for other passionate parents thinking of doing the same.

My View:

Indeed, lying is not cool and certainly not a cool value to be passing onto your child.  I just kind of feel that the point is being missed here.

I would like to meet however, the Mum or Dad who doesn’t give a hoot about what school their kid goes to.

Due to financial difficulties, I had to move my child from a private school into the state system.  We were lucky because my son was transferring at year 4.  This meant there was more chance of a decent school having a place available.  Moreover, there is less people looking for a place at this time and more people moving homes which helped things.

It still took a lot of work however… many man hours to find that decent school.  I  was simply not prepared to send my son to a school where the ofstead results was less than a 2,  which equates to an overall standard of ‘good’.  In fact, if I’m going to be honest, my groove would of been up in the air had I been unable to get him into a a  school that was not a’ one’, outstanding – which is the highest accolade.

Okay, so ultimately I got him into what is  a ‘one’ outstanding school.  It’s a lovely school, the kids are great and the parents are lovely.  My son comes home happy every day. It’s definitely a more creative way of  learning.

However, there is a huge, huge, huge difference in the level of the work being taught. It is at the very least, one year behind the Private system, yet its the kids from the Private system that my little un will be up against when applying for grammar school places.

I dread to think of the levels being taught in a school with an ofstead score of  four or even five for that matter.

The fact that parents are being forced to lie to get their kids a decent education and to get best for their kids, is tragic.  To have to lie so as not to have to settle for second best is a crime.  Indeed, to have to pretend to be church a goer when your not to get into the school of your choice,  should surely make the government stop and think about the failing schools parents are trying to avoid – by whatever means necessary!

Furthermore, why should I  have to resort to putting my child into a failing school because it’s on my doorstep, is what’s available and because I don’t live in Hampstead?

So the question is, would I lie to get my son into a decent school if I couldn’t afford to live in an area such as Hampstead?  Or, would I  risk sending him to a failing school if that was the only option  available to me – putting at risk both my son’s and my own emotional health for one and him reaching his full potential, as the other?  The sheer stress just thinking about it causes me is indescribable.

So,  if the truth be known, I would either keep him at home or lie.

DOES THAT MAKE ME A BAD PERSON OR SOMEONE WHO JUST WANTS THE BEST FOR THEIR KID?

YOUR THOUGHTS BELOW PLEASE.

Okay, it’s official Mums – we were done!

It’s been reported that Disney is being sued over the claims made about the baby Einstein Videos.  Basically, in a nutshell, its effectiveness at turning your kid into the next Einstein protege has been proven to be a load of…well, bo..”%*/?ks. I’m sorry to swear, I’m just a tad annoyed.  I should of said nonsense.  A load of nonsense.

I can not tell you the amount of time I spent trying to get this bloomin(g) video for my son when he was a baba.  Everywhere was sold out at the time – thank gawd for that.

Anyway, when it comes to my son’s education, I’ve been guilty of doing the whole hothousing, private schools and tutor thing and have also delved a bit into the whole gone with the fairies, bohemian style education.

Indeed, there were issues with them both.  Both also had their positives.  With the private school, the hour and a half homework sessions everyday after school and during the holidays was a nightmare.  Combine this with every after school activity known to man, simply strip children of their childhood groove.

On the contrary, the airy fairy more laid back, open learning system  schools are living on planet mars.  The children are pleasant enough, truly very pleasant in fact.  Delightful and confident.  Just as thick as shit.

Getting your groove back tip:

No one knows your kid like you do.  Each are different with their own unique personalities and style.  You simply have to pick a school that is conducive with your childs personality.  If for example, you have an academic kid where reciting his times tables before bed time is their idea of fun, then an academic type school would be a walk in the park for them.  You’d be doing them an injustice if this was not nurtured.

Conversely, if your kid is more creative in style or sporty, then choose a school accordingly.  A solely academic environment will cause them nothing but stress. A creative or sporty environment on the other hand, will simply make them come into their own.  Some may see this as a leap of faith but just think of the many creative and sporty personalities we see on the TV today.

I have huge admiration for my neighbours who have sent their two boys to two different schools according to their personality’s.  One is independent, boards and loves it.  The other who is more of a Mummy’s boy and a bit clingy but incredibly sporty, goes to a great school nearby.

The key thing to remember is not to live our lives through our children. What may have worked for you education wise, may not necessarily work for them. It takes brave parents to do what’s right for their kid and not their mates kid, or the Joneses.

Lucy Cope, the mother who heads this campaign will be marching today to Downing Street with a 1000 strong foothold.

Lucy lost her own son, Damien to street crime earlier this year.

I just can’t imagine what it would be like to loose my kid in any way or form.

I take my hat off to Lucy.  Apparently, she wants the minimum sentence for those carrying guns to be raised to ten years.  She certainly has my full support.

As for me, sometimes I wonder if I’m a bit naive to the reality of what’s happening on our streets of London.  Do I have to fear for son for when he is older?  Is it likely that he’ll be walking home one evening from a football or tennis game for example and getting shot after being mugged of his mobile phone or the like?

Or, are these crimes limited to those who are involved in gun crime themselves?  A form of retaliation and a situation of living by the gun and therefore dying by the gun? If so, how did it all begin?

I always think that so many lives are lost when someone dies in this way.  Not just tragically the person who has been killed but also the person who has committed the crime.  Surely when he is caught and sitting in his cell faced with a minimum of at thirty years in prison – surely, but surely he must ask himself, was it worth it? I’ve heard that at the beginning of their sentence, you can hear their wails of despair and tears  for days echoing down the prison cells and the other inmates try everything to block out the sounds.

For their Mums too have lost a son – alive on the outside, but dead in prison. When released he’ll be an old man.

Was it worth it?  Why don’t these boys think of the consequences?

In any case, the reporting of this march has at the very least made me stop and think about the those Mothers on both sides of the coin, who have lost a child.

The whole situation is heartbreaking.

Getting your Groove Back:

Lucy Cope and Mothers like her have shown such courage through what is still and will for be for many years to come, a difficult time.  I and many others pray for strength like hers.

I’m sure she feels like curling up in a ball- but no. Instead she has chosen to fight and bring about change so that her pain and the loss of her son, will not be in vain.

That is what we call Groove.

The trial of the Mum who stabbed to death her two teenage children when her marriage broke down in 2007 starts today.

As loving Mothers, I’m sure that that the first thing to cross our minds is how could a Mother do such a thing to her children?

For me, my thoughts went a little deeper than the reports transpired so far.  I couldn’t help but  wonder why none of the reports focused on the state of this Mothers mind leading up to the events.  It was quoted, with little emphasis however, that she said, at least the children will be safe now.

I wonder what she meant by that?

The father of the children on the other hand was dished out a couple of halo’s to stack neatly above his head like a saint.

He may well indeed be a saint, but I just can’t help wondering how much his actions may have contributed to the poor mental health of his ex-wife? With her being a single Mother AND  another failed relationship to contend with, did he show compassion for her current situation when he was dealing with her and issues relating to the kids? Who knows.

I stress, this doesn’t by any means justify her actions.  It’s just that I know the Father of my child had on occasions when my son was younger, driven me insane by his mind games and I  wobbled ferociously on the fence that separated sanity from insanity.

He left me when my son was just a few months old and was so incredibly spiteful,  often spiting my son in order to spite me, I was sure I was going to end up in a nut house. Although we get on well now, he does on occasions still play the odd mind games, I just know how to handle him.

I remember too witnessing an argument in the street between what appeared to be between a Mother and her ex Husband.  Present was his young girlfriend and their young daughter, who looked around age 5 or six.

The Mother was really distressed and screaming at her child to come away from the father.

She was shouting at them saying ‘He doesn’t love you.  He doesn’t care about you anymore, come here. what makes him think he can pick and choose the days he sees you?’

The Father remained calm,  red faced and stood there holding his  girlfriends hand whilst simultaneously, calming the daughter down who like the Mother was in a terrible state.   But still, remained holding hands with his new partner! Talk about adding salt to the wounds and showing a bit of  scruples - not!

It was a sad scene filled with so much pain and many a lost dreams for both Mother and Child.  I still feel emotional now even though this happened a few years back.

I appreciate that I am making a lot of assumptions here, however, when the father of your child leaves you for someone else and a younger model and in this Mums case, a younger model too, it is not easy and one would really have to be in the situation to fully understand how this feels.

My sons’ Dads new girlfriend, who he was seeing whilst I was pregnant (something he denies) was not even younger, nor better looking, yet it was a painful experience that took years to get over. The dream of the two point two kids, the ‘Waltons’ and ‘Little House in the Praire’ fantasy was over just like that in a puff smoke.

Like I said, I am not justifying any woman taking the lives of her children and since writing this she was indeed found guilty of murder as it was proved that she killed the kids just to spite her ex-husband.  But as a Mother, call me naive but I just feel that she couldn’t possibly have been in her ‘right’ state of mind.

I just question too the need for more support groups for woman with children who have become separated from their partners  and wonder if those kids would still be alive today had there been better support structures or groups in place.

Moreover, research has shown that women are financially worst off when they separate from their ex’s and that Men are financially better off!

All this simply adds to the emotional strain. You can’t even afford to go out to meet someone new yourself or afford decent clothes to feel better about yourself.  All this whilst he’s hot footing it around town and travelling the world with some young chicklet on his arm, whist you’re having to feed the 5000 with two loaves and five fishes.

Moreover, handling Terrible Twos, Chicken Pox and numerous trips back and forth to A and E hospitals, alone, is no easy task. I know because I’ve done it.

Getting your Groove Back Tip:

Unless you’ve been through it yourself – don’t judge.

And if you’re going through it…Trust me, you do get over it and get quite pissed with yourself that you wasted all those days and nights worried about the jerk and his silly new girlfriend.  Once you get over it too, you then meet a hunk of your own, or find complete happiness living by yourself and your kid/s and couldn’t think of anything worst than living with someone else and having to put up with all their stuff!

Spanx.  Spanx, spanx, spanx, spank. Sorry, but I just can’t stop going on about my new discovery.

Read about the woman who designed it, then I researched it on the Internet. Apparently all the stars swear by them.  There were all these claims, not by the manufacturer but on various forums, saying that it brings you in a dress size.

Get the right Size!

Anyway, I had an event coming up where the ex was going to be there with the ex girlfriend, so it was necessary for me to look absolutely hot and slim.   So I brought my dress with me to try one spanx in John Lewis lingerie department.  My darling Mummy Mates, I swear to you, it is absolutely amazing! I had a flat belly and that takes some doing.

The other great thing about it, unlike the usual thick, stifling, I can’t bloody breathe or go for a piss material girdles usually come in, the Spanx is made out of a really light fabric.

It also has a wee hole! Yes a bloomin wee hole.   So if you can’t be arsed to pull the spanx down, you just pull the wee hole apart and Bob’s your uncle (or fanny’s your aunt)!

Okay sure, initially I was a bit sceptical about the whole wee hole bit and imagined a somewhat smelly experience with my wee going astray of its natural course  and splashing around in the crutch area and on my hands. So I refused to use this delightful added feature – but that works well too.

The dress size claim

Anyway, whenever I wear mine, I’m always showered with compliments about how much weight I’ve lost.  I bought a high powered pair which allows me to effortlessly slither into me skinny jeans also.

Getting Your Groove Back Tip:

Once you try on a pair in John Lewis and ascertain your right size, shop around for cost savings.  In John Lewis I parted with a hard earned £30 then bought my sisters in Morleys in Brixton for £23. A saving to my sister of six quid.

Morleys however, do not have samples for trying on, so you do have to do the whole John Lewis thing first, but God it’s worth it.

Its all gone a little bit silly, right.  As if we’re not time and money strapped as is,we’re now hot footing it every week,  looking like bag ladies,  scurrying our kids to Football Classes, Swimming Classes, Music Lessons, Gymanatics, Tennis classes and the like. 

Getting your Groove Back Tip

Lets not forget good old fashioned hopscotch, kiss chase and building go karts.  After all,besides perhaps the odd activity, it’s what we did and it never did us any harm.

Are you the all routine, OCD Gina Ford Type or do you operate within your childs ‘natural rhythms’, like gone with the faries, Angelina Jolie?

Getting Your Groove Back Tip.

We are all different. We all have different finger prints and indeed, different personalities.  One of my pet hates is everyone trying to be the same as everyone else, expecting everyone to be the same as them and living within the confines of that boring square that only the super confident step out from.

We should celebrate our differences.  So one kid, two kids or even twelve, they do indeed all have their own different rhythms.

I come from a family of seven.  Seven different people, seven different rhythms.  Trying to force me into the rythym of my sister is like squeezing a hedgehog through a exhaust pipe. I’d go cranky.

Getting your groove back is about going along with the natural rhythm and spirit of life as opposed to doing the whole OCD routine day in day out.  Geez, life is too short.

Yeah there are boundaries and everything is about balance. But don’t loose your spontaneity in life.

Getting your groove back is about letting go for a bit and realising that the sky didn’t actually fall on your head when you did.

By extending the truth (effectively lying) to my Son’s violin teacher saying that Max was still ill as to why he had to miss yet another violin lesson when really I had to hot foot it to visit another school I’m thinking of moving him to.

Feel like shit for lying.  He’s such a lovely bloke. 

Getting my groove back tip:

Oh Well. The Violin Teacher was probably able to get home early and spend more quality time with his wife and Kids.

Dealing with your kids repeated illness can be an absolute mental strain.  My son suffers from Asthma and I cannot tell you the number of times in any given month we have to be dashing to the hospital for a nebulisor.  It drives me to distress.

Getting Your Groove Back Tip:

If you can make it to the hospital or out of hours clinic in order to save NHS money and time, then do. However, when it gets to the stage where your child’s repeated  illness is putting you on the verge of mental break down and the choice lies between slashing your wrists or getting the out of  hours Doctor to visit you (tell them you can’t get to the clinic without checking into the mental clinic beforehand), then get them to visit you.  Save your life and relish in the luxury of having your child diagnosed and treated, or in my case have my son breathe again, in the comfort of your own home!

NB: If it’s a 999 emergency, call an ambulance immediately.

‘I like Pooing’. These were the words of my delightful son this morning.  It did make me laugh.  That’s the thing with kids.  No matter how poo (excuse the pun) your feeling, you can be sure they’ll do or say something that will make you laugh.

‘Why do you like pooing so much darling ‘ I asked.’

 ’It’s just a great feeling, really really relaxes me.  When it’s coming out, t just feels so relaxing’, he replied.

God I love my kid.

Getting your Groove Back Tip:

Going for a Poo is indeed a relaxing moment.  Many of my biggest problems or my greatest ideas have indeed come form having a good old POO!  Research has shown that it is when you are relaxed that you are at your most creative.

Use this time, to really be ‘in the moment’ for a bit of ME Time.  Get a magazine, close the door to your annoying kids or partner and have a good,  slow, old fashioned POO!

Because I didn’t have a clean PAIR of socks for Max.  Got a big box of odds and sods ones, but not a matching pair in sight.  So he had to wear the grubby pair he had on yesterday.  They were black, so the dirt wouldn’t show.  My usual act of putting on two similar looking ones wasn’t going to crack it today  because he was going to a party in a soft ball cage where they have to take their shoes off.

Bad Mummy.  Bad grubby Mummy.

Getting your Groove Back Tip:

Forget about it.  No kids ever died from wearing dirty socks before.

Firstly, welcome to Relationships in 21st Century! There are more step kids now involved in relationships than ever before.

Secondly, getting all wrapped up in the web of your partner, partners kids from a previous relationship and the previous partner herself, can and will drive you nuts if you let it.

 Getting Your Groove Back Tip:

Firstly and a very BIG Firstly, the kids are not going away! I know that secrectly, this is the wish of many a Step Mum.

Secondly, by looking at the situation and dealing with conflict from your perspective alone will leave you appearing cold and selfish.

Each adult needs to literally, not just see things from their own perspective, but from the perspective off all the parties involved.  

In your mind,  go back to thinking like a small child and imagine the feeling and anxieties as the result of having your Dad leave home. This added to a new anxiety of you the new Woman in his life taking him even further away.  

Now put yourself in Daddy’s shoe, your Partner that is.  They may feel awful about not seeing their kids as often as they did and no longer playing a major part in their lives.  As a result, some Men may even overcompensate. Moreover, they love you too and want to keep you happy and show you that you too are valued.  Its a major balancing act that takes great juggling skills.

Next, is thinking like the ex. Possibly her plans of two point two children has come crashing down leaving her depressed and disillusioned.  Research shows that many mums are financially worst off and have less time on their hands when their partner leaves home.  She now has to struggle to bring up the kids alone both financially and with less support in the home.

Now go back and look at things from your own perspective again and look at how the situation now appears differently.  New partners often feel jealous of the children and the bond that exists between them and their Dad. With these new specs on however, you’ll be able to negotiate your own needs of being valued and honoured without sounding selfish.

The above is just an example of the situation involved, however the concept remains the same.  Just change the situation according to your own.

In addition to the above, welcome to life – Shit Happens.  Celebrate and focus on the things that are great in your relationship and take your head out of the fairytale books. Understand your partners Love Language. It’s quite possible that he is showing that he loves and values you in other ways that is less obvious to you. However, with your mind focused on what you deem as negative, you’ll often miss the other ways in which he is showing his love.

Note also, the less energy you give a situation, the more it resolves itself.

Hey, it’s all a learning curve right.  Even with all my psychology training, studying, courses, the works, I still was able to loose it with my little un today. He was huffing and puffing to get going whilst I was having what I felt was an all important chat with one of my Mummy Mates.

Then I completly lost – it went something like this;

“It’s all about you isn’t it! Why does everything have to be about you. YOU, you, you, you, you.  Mummy needs time too, you know.  But no, Max wants to get going.  It’s all about what Max wants. Max, Max, Max, Max, Max…..

and so it went on…and on, and on. I was on a roll and I couldn’t stop myself. I was telling myself to shut up, but my mouth took on a life of it’s own and just wouldn’t stop. So it continued;

“If Max wants to go, we go.  If Max wants to stop we stop.  If Max says jump, we say how high….” Well What about mmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

All this to a 7 year old kid – Tut Tut…

Getting your Groove Back Tip:

As soon as your able to recognise that your in a state, do something opposite to what you are currently doing. So if your sitting down, get up and walk into another room. If your standing up, go into the bedroom and lie down.  Basically, do something COMPLETELY opposite to what you’re doing at the time.  Likewise, if you have no Music on, crank up the stero.  Do it immediately.  Try it. It’s not easy, but really, really effective. You may have to dig deep within your soul for the energy to do it, but the effort is worth it and it really really works st at the very least, you’ll shut up.

Boring Breathing:

I know it’s boring to hear that same old breathing advise, but this also works. Take it from me, the anti airy fairy guru.

When your stressed, your breathing rises, higher and higher into your chest and shoulders.  Compare this to the way a baby breaths.  They breath from much lower down in their diaphragm.  This is how we used to breathe before the stresses of life stole our groove.  That’s why the breathing stuff works.  Takes you back to your core and centers you.

Shit Happens

Afterwards you’ll feel a bit bad but don’t beat yourself up – Shit happens. Naturally, you don’t want this to happen too often as you’ll be sending out the wrong signals to your kid. The above exercises should prevent this.

But remember, we’re all learning, even super cool me:).