Kids. What Kids?

After ramming down our throats every parenting advice known to man.  Force feeding us Gina Fords’ parenting regime. Insisting on Super Nannys’, hitler style naughty corners and enlisting top graphic designers to dream up time sucking award charts - they now say we should forget about them! The kids that is. Yes.  Forget about them.  Kick the little darlings to the kerb!

They now claim that in order to bring up great kids we are to forget about them and focus on ourselves.

Trying to obtain rock solid advice these days on bringing up the next Einstein, is like nailing jelly to a wall.  The rules just keep moving and not even the experts can agree!

Now the gorgeous David Code, a therapist from America, says that too much time spent focused on our little treasures create demanding kids and exhausted Parents.  Reality is, I don’t know really know how good looking David is, I’ve not seen him, but I sure do love his advice.  My son Max, started crying the other day after his Dad and I had a row.  With all due respects, his and Dad and I don’t row often.  About once every couple of months. Now usually, such a scene would prompt me to bury him in my large buxom boobs, imprint kisses over his entire face and head, smother him with apologies then lay on thick, soothing words of, Mummy and Daddy are sorry darling, so, so, soooooooooooooooo sorry darling!

Stop! This time I chose not to.  It’s just a row for Christs sake and people do row! Welcome to life, is what I chose to say to him this time.  Welcome to life, my little love.

I’m sorry, but if I don’t stick a pin in this situation now, what’s gonna happen?  Every time someone has a row, he’s going to start balling his head off? Sorry, the child needs to get a grip.

It is true too, that many parents hide the real issues of their troubled marriage behind their kids.  Focusing on the kids, helps them to avoid facing the truth of the real issues of their marriage.  In therapeutic terms, it’s known as ‘Triangling’.  Indeed, many also will hide behind other activities such as the cooking, claiming to be the cooking mogul of the family when really they just don’t want to talk to their wives or their husbands.

This Triangling also features in the playground with three girl friends, for example.  Two will often team up and effectively ‘pick on’ the third girl. Thus in this case, the Parents team up and focus on the kids, or another permutation, is a parent and kid that teams up and focus on the third parent.

Getting Your Groove Back Advice:

Every day, along with different parenting advice, we are bombarded with the most frighting statistics pertaining to child rearing.  As mums too, we have that natural instinct to want to protect and care for our kids.  However, you and only you know, when you are using your kids as a rug to bury your real issues under.

I had a Relate Marriage Guidance Councillor on my show a couple of weeks back and seeing a councillor these days, is considered a hip thing to do.  You can even pop by and see one by yourself.  My advice is this.  Clear your issues from under the rug before, like a space ship preparing for launch, an unfavorable situation, blasts the real issues out.

If you do it before it gets to this, at least you stand a chance of saving your marriage!

Lock Up Your Daughters

How to Ignore Nonsense Parenting Advice?

I’m not sure if the peeps at The London Schools Guide are bored, thick or stupid!

The latest report they revealed today states that as part of their overall assessment of the school, Inspectors are advised to inspect the toilets.

Yes, the Loos!!!

Now, do I give a flying hoot as to whether or not the last bunch of scummy kids in in my local highly achieving school, left toilet paper on the floor or not?  Do I give a chirping monkey, if some over excited little school boy, anxious to return to his game of footy, aimlessly pees over the toilet bowl,  the floor the walls and even the door for that matter, before splashing some water on his hands (if we’re lucky) and sprinting back to his beloved game of football?

Try as I might.  I am struggling desperately, to imagine, putting the state of the blooming loos on my list of importance when trying to find a decent school for my son.

Stone the crows, these guys need to get a proper job, if this is the best information they can offer us. They clearly have no idea as to what we are up against.

I had to move my son three times in three months before I found him a decent school!

True to say, that if I were guided by the League tables and Stats alone, he would of ended up in the worst school of the three.  So I do believe, as parents, we do indeed need another benchmark to measure how good a school is.

Yet the best advice The Good Schools Guide can offer us is,  to check the loos!

Imagine for a moment the tour of the prospective school with the headmistress. She’s all the formalities.  Specs perched at the end of her nose, boring tweed suit and  high pitched voice.  She’s taking you to all the best classes, walking ever so swiftly pass the not so hot ones and showing off the examplary work of the top students. You’ve got your best voice on, your not too over the top skirt and blouse accessorised with a decent neck scarf and asking all the right questions like, the procedure for joining the PTA, for exapmle.  All so  Mrs headmistress of the only decent school in the 50km  radius of your home, offers your kid a place.

Then, post tour,  she asks if  you have anymore questions.

Geez, how I’d love to meet the brave soul.  The super hero Mum or Dad.  The nutter parent, who’d have the dutch courage to ask…

‘Can I inspect the loos?’

Believe me, confidence is not one of my weak points.  On the contrary in fact. My shyness is akin to that of a bull in a china shop. Nonetheless, my lips are sealed.

For I know, that no self respecting headmistress of a decent school, with a waiting list as long and as wide as the  River Thames,  is going to take the kid of the nutty parent, with the obvious sense of a centipede, who asked, to inspect the loos?

Getting your Groove back advice:

When someone is giving you nonsense advice, reduce them in size in your mind.  Reduce them so small in fact that they’re the size of your thumb.  Next, attach mickey mouse’s ears to them -huge ones. Then imaging them speaking quickly and squeakly like Donald Duck.

This will make it so much easier for you to ignore the nonsense coming out of their mouths. Try it – trust me it works. X

How to Understand Your Teenage Daughter?

Young girls seem to be unhappier than ever according to a recent report.  The chief reason for their unhappiness however, is not because their parents have split, nor because they are unhappy at school.  The chief reason for young girls being unhappy is, because of the way they look!!!!….What is the world coming to?

Teenage pregnancy is also on the increase and teenagers who have grown up without a Father are more likely to be a teenage parents.

Does the ’The Girls House‘ in Sydenham with their workshops and courses help to address some of these issues?

Joining me on 18th February, for a cup of tea and a slice of cake is Julia Mansell and a young volunteer from ‘The Girls House’. Their aim is to engage young females making them aware of services locally, advise them of their rights if assaulted, provide advice on setting personal boundaries and to understand themselves better, to name but a few.

Together, we will provide help and advice as to how you can Get the Groove Back in your teenage daughter? Or better still, why not listen together?

If you have any questions you would like answered  during the show, or advice, prior to the show, you can email in advance, re: The getting your groove back show - GYGB Girls

No, the Step Kids won’t Disappear!

Sandra Bullocks, who’s married to Jesse James, admits her three step kids call her the Step Monster – which she rightly laughs off.  Not always easy I know, but it’s the only way.

Looking at the situation from everyone’s perspective is the route to perfect harmony.

Step children and Step Parenting is the product of modern day relationships – I call it dating in the 21st Century.

It’s almost unavoidable to meet and marry someone these days who does not already have children. Just today, I met a young pretty girl no older than 25, who is doing the fortnightly trips to Scotland with her boyfriend to visit his two kids from a previous relationship.  I’m sure that wasn’t the plan for her or her parents when she was growing up –  but hey ho – welcome to life!

It’s so tough for everyone involved.  Enough has already been written about the failure rates for second marraiges  attributed mainly to the issue of the step kids, so there is little point going on about the same.  We’re all about finding solutions here.

My son often refers to his Dad’s girlfriend and my boyfriend in the most unfavorable terms no matter how much I tell him not to – when really, he’s just afraid of loosing us both.  There are so just many fears and anxiety’s flying around it’s difficult to put a lid on it.

Getting Your Groove Back Advice:

• Leave discipline to the biological parent
• Understand, everything takes time.  The situation does eventually find it’s groove.
• Children often eventually feel pleased that they have additional brothers and sisters and are part of a larger family
• Try DESPERATELY to see things from everybody’s perspective
• The children didn’t ask for this situation.  You are the adult.  Children are not emotionally equipped to deal with this logically – You are, or are supposed to be!
• Consider sending the children to a kids coach, such as Naomi Richards.
• Understand that kids often feel disloyal to their biological parent if they love you too.
• Establish another relationship with them. You are not the kids replacment Mum.  They already have a mum.  You can however, be a wonderful Aunty figure to them
• Finally, STAY CALM AND CARRY ON. Smile and add humour to the situation like Sandra Bullock.  Read the blog dulwichdivorcee.com if you want a laugh.

Pushy Parenting

Discussing on the Getting Your Groove Back Show soon.  Subscribe to be kept informed of date.

Kirsty Young who is a wealthy newsreader and also married to a millionaire, condones Pushy Parents.  Well, it’s alright for You Kirst….

I’ve done it all myself.

The airy fairy Open Learning System – No formal lessons until age 7

The Pre Prep, Prepping Private School – 10 hours of homework a night!  and weekends and half term, oh yes, and over Christmas!

Finally, as victims of the recession, I witness now the State of the State system – all backed up with a Tutor or course.

Oh, and not forgetting, every after school club known to Man!

Newsreader, Kirsty Young says Pushy Parenting must stop and that we’re creating nothing more than a set of retaliating monster  hating teenagers.

I too, would share your views Kirst, if I too, had a millionaire for a husband and was living in a  huge multi million pound house. Guess I could afford to relax a little. However, the reality for the average Parent, reliant on the crap education available for our kids, is that we can’t relax! Gosh we so want to just like our parents did – but we can’t.

Admittedly, I’ve got my groove back now, after three moves in three months after leaving the private sector.  My son has finally settled into a lovely school, where he is being suitably challenged.

So does Pushy Parenting work?  Parents after all only want their best for their kids. To bring about maybe the next Kirsty Young perhaps.  Or, are they doing them more harm than good?

That’s the fifty million dollar question.

Getting your groove back advice:

We’ll be discussing this and issues relating to the state vs the private school education system to see if us parents simply need to take chill pill OR have every reason to be panicking our little heads off!

Please share this info with other parents using the link below.

Parenting Advice

Parenting in the 21st Century is no easy task. Remember – You’re doing the best you can!

More and more I speak to parents who are bamboozled with the education options available to them, Is it wrong to smack em.  Are worried their kids are not talking, walking, reading, jumping and skipping the way other kids are. Are in disarray with new and ever changing parenting advice and are quite frankly at their wits end.

This coupled with the fact that we have to be great wives or partners, look great, run an efficient home and expected to have kids that are the smartest, politest, most groomed and the happiest kid in town, is simply not achievable.

The reality is, if we are trying to raise kids that constantly look like the kids at the front of Your baby and Junior magazine, then your already doomed.

Welcome to the real world of parenting, where

• We’re constantly questioning if we’re doing it right.
• We’re constantly comparing our kids
• We loose it now and again
• Parents often feel alone and isolated
• We’re having to start thinking of secondary schools prior to them being conceived
• We’re stressed to the hills
• Constantly reminded by our parents that it wasn’t like this in ‘their day’
• Constantly bombarded with images of celebrity Mums who seem sooooooooo happy, thus making us feel inadequate
• ME time is a swear word
• You have to constantly worry about their safety, not just on the roads and in schools, but also from the paedophile uncle or Auntie
• Everyday the newspapers quote some other statistic, fact or parenting advice from some professed parenting expert to make us feel even more inadequate or unsuitable parent
• and so the list goes on.

BUT CHIN UP! Because that what Getting Your Groove Back is all about.  Sticking you two fingers up to lists like the above and having a good old fashioned larf with yourself and the kids.

It’s parenting advice with Groove.  It consists of only three or four major rules that our in line with your core values  and throwing the rest in the bin. It’s the opposite to OCD. It’s about letting go and going back to basics adopting only the new bits that suit you.

Our parenting advice is about getting the wind back in your hair and passing that freedom onto your kids.

Our parenting advice, is about saving yourself first. It’s about putting yourslef first – before your kid.  Yes you heard right.  Before your kids.

Education:

Read our article on Gina Ford versus Angelina Jolie.  Remember, there are no right or wrongs (except child battery and putting them in black bags that is), in this parenting game.

Each child has their own finger prints as is the case of each school. So there’s no point asking another parent what’s that nursery or school is like.  You’ll get the answer of what that school like for their kid.  Their kid, just in case you didn’t know’, is not your kid. The mother you are asking is only generally able to answer the question based on her perspective for her child. So get with the programme.  Every child has their own needs.

Behavioual Issues:

I tend to have a bit of a problem with labels that parenting advisors often give to children.  Your Dyslexic, you’ve got autism oh and your an ADSH kid.  Then the moment that label is given to a child, that’s it.  That’s all the parenting advisor and the parent sees.

So here’s a test by what I mean.  I want you to close you eyes. You actually have to close them….now when you open your eyes, I want you to see all the things around you that are green.  I bet you see more green around you than you’d see ordinarily?  That’s because you were looking out for it.

That’s my point.  They say your kid’s got autism.  They give you a leaflet with the symptoms.  Then that’s all you see – in your kid that is.  It gets worst.  You then go onto the Internet and there’s more info. Much, much , much more info. Then the way your little un would do something that you would see as cute is cute no more and is now autism.

It drives me nuts – labels that is, becuase we just start living to the boundaries that labels set for us

Fashion:

A billion articles always written on stuff like this for kids.  Geez is it that important.  Whatever works for you.  That’s all I’ve got to say on the matter.

To get the best education for your kids – would you lie?

CLICK HERE: AUDIO –  IS IT EVER COOL TO LIE TO GET THE BEST FOR YOUR KIDS?

Don’t get me wrong, I am dead impressed that Pearl Lowe and her drummer husband Danny Goffey have opted for state education for their son Alfie.  It shows humility, proves they are down to earth and they haven’t lost the plot in this fame game.

However, they lived in Hampstead at the time, so lets be honest guys,  they’re hardly going to face the same issues of parents who are from less desirable areas and still wanting the best for their kids are they? I’ve nothing against Hampsteadites, I have some lovely friends who live there.  It’s not representative of the country on a whole however.

Today it was revealed that the government is thinking of upping the ante by imposing steeper sanctions, such as fines, to  those parents who are caught lying in order to get their kids into a decent school. It’s like a double edged sword isn’t it?  Tell the truth, send him to a failing school and then stress yourself out everyday thereafter.  Or, Lie and risk a criminal record.

Last week,  deputy head Nigel Duncan, was caught out falsifying paperwork to get his kids into a decent secondary school.

However, the government feels that just removing the kids from the school alone is not enough of a deterrent for other passionate parents thinking of doing the same.

My View:

Indeed, lying is not cool and certainly not a cool value to be passing onto your child.  I just kind of feel that the point is being missed here.

I would like to meet however, the Mum or Dad who doesn’t give a hoot about what school their kid goes to.

Due to financial difficulties, I had to move my child from a private school into the state system.  We were lucky because my son was transferring at year 4.  This meant there was more chance of a decent school having a place available.  Moreover, there is less people looking for a place at this time and more people moving homes which helped things.

It still took a lot of work however… many man hours to find that decent school.  I  was simply not prepared to send my son to a school where the ofstead results was less than a 2,  which equates to an overall standard of ‘good’.  In fact, if I’m going to be honest, my groove would of been up in the air had I been unable to get him into a a  school that was not a’ one’, outstanding – which is the highest accolade.

Okay, so ultimately I got him into what is  a ‘one’ outstanding school.  It’s a lovely school, the kids are great and the parents are lovely.  My son comes home happy every day. It’s definitely a more creative way of  learning.

However, there is a huge, huge, huge difference in the level of the work being taught. It is at the very least, one year behind the Private system, yet its the kids from the Private system that my little un will be up against when applying for grammar school places.

I dread to think of the levels being taught in a school with an ofstead score of  four or even five for that matter.

The fact that parents are being forced to lie to get their kids a decent education and to get best for their kids, is tragic.  To have to lie so as not to have to settle for second best is a crime.  Indeed, to have to pretend to be church a goer when your not to get into the school of your choice,  should surely make the government stop and think about the failing schools parents are trying to avoid – by whatever means necessary!

Furthermore, why should I  have to resort to putting my child into a failing school because it’s on my doorstep, is what’s available and because I don’t live in Hampstead?

So the question is, would I lie to get my son into a decent school if I couldn’t afford to live in an area such as Hampstead?  Or, would I  risk sending him to a failing school if that was the only option  available to me – putting at risk both my son’s and my own emotional health for one and him reaching his full potential, as the other?  The sheer stress just thinking about it causes me is indescribable.

So,  if the truth be known, I would either keep him at home or lie.

DOES THAT MAKE ME A BAD PERSON OR SOMEONE WHO JUST WANTS THE BEST FOR THEIR KID?

YOUR THOUGHTS BELOW PLEASE.

Baby Einstein Scam – Hothousing your Kid?

Okay, it’s official Mums – we were done!

It’s been reported that Disney is being sued over the claims made about the baby Einstein Videos.  Basically, in a nutshell, its effectiveness at turning your kid into the next Einstein protege has been proven to be a load of…well, bo..”%*/?ks. I’m sorry to swear, I’m just a tad annoyed.  I should of said nonsense.  A load of nonsense.

I can not tell you the amount of time I spent trying to get this bloomin(g) video for my son when he was a baba.  Everywhere was sold out at the time – thank gawd for that.

Anyway, when it comes to my son’s education, I’ve been guilty of doing the whole hothousing, private schools and tutor thing and have also delved a bit into the whole gone with the fairies, bohemian style education.

Indeed, there were issues with them both.  Both also had their positives.  With the private school, the hour and a half homework sessions everyday after school and during the holidays was a nightmare.  Combine this with every after school activity known to man, simply strip children of their childhood groove.

On the contrary, the airy fairy more laid back, open learning system  schools are living on planet mars.  The children are pleasant enough, truly very pleasant in fact.  Delightful and confident.  Just as thick as shit.

Getting your groove back tip:

No one knows your kid like you do.  Each are different with their own unique personalities and style.  You simply have to pick a school that is conducive with your childs personality.  If for example, you have an academic kid where reciting his times tables before bed time is their idea of fun, then an academic type school would be a walk in the park for them.  You’d be doing them an injustice if this was not nurtured.

Conversely, if your kid is more creative in style or sporty, then choose a school accordingly.  A solely academic environment will cause them nothing but stress. A creative or sporty environment on the other hand, will simply make them come into their own.  Some may see this as a leap of faith but just think of the many creative and sporty personalities we see on the TV today.

I have huge admiration for my neighbours who have sent their two boys to two different schools according to their personality’s.  One is independent, boards and loves it.  The other who is more of a Mummy’s boy and a bit clingy but incredibly sporty, goes to a great school nearby.

The key thing to remember is not to live our lives through our children. What may have worked for you education wise, may not necessarily work for them. It takes brave parents to do what’s right for their kid and not their mates kid, or the Joneses.

Mothers Against Guns

Lucy Cope, the mother who heads this campaign will be marching today to Downing Street with a 1000 strong foothold.

Lucy lost her own son, Damien to street crime earlier this year.

I just can’t imagine what it would be like to loose my kid in any way or form.

I take my hat off to Lucy.  Apparently, she wants the minimum sentence for those carrying guns to be raised to ten years.  She certainly has my full support.

As for me, sometimes I wonder if I’m a bit naive to the reality of what’s happening on our streets of London.  Do I have to fear for son for when he is older?  Is it likely that he’ll be walking home one evening from a football or tennis game for example and getting shot after being mugged of his mobile phone or the like?

Or, are these crimes limited to those who are involved in gun crime themselves?  A form of retaliation and a situation of living by the gun and therefore dying by the gun? If so, how did it all begin?

I always think that so many lives are lost when someone dies in this way.  Not just tragically the person who has been killed but also the person who has committed the crime.  Surely when he is caught and sitting in his cell faced with a minimum of at thirty years in prison – surely, but surely he must ask himself, was it worth it? I’ve heard that at the beginning of their sentence, you can hear their wails of despair and tears  for days echoing down the prison cells and the other inmates try everything to block out the sounds.

For their Mums too have lost a son – alive on the outside, but dead in prison. When released he’ll be an old man.

Was it worth it?  Why don’t these boys think of the consequences?

In any case, the reporting of this march has at the very least made me stop and think about the those Mothers on both sides of the coin, who have lost a child.

The whole situation is heartbreaking.

Getting your Groove Back:

Lucy Cope and Mothers like her have shown such courage through what is still and will for be for many years to come, a difficult time.  I and many others pray for strength like hers.

I’m sure she feels like curling up in a ball- but no. Instead she has chosen to fight and bring about change so that her pain and the loss of her son, will not be in vain.

That is what we call Groove.

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