Gunshot Weddings

My best mate is soon to become one of my official MummyMates because she’s Preggers!!!!!  Yes Pregnant, Up the spout and I’m sooo excited.

Anyway, the problem is that she’s getting married in August.  She sent out invitations in March and is now incredibly worried that everyone is going to think that it was a Gunshot Wedding.

Would you be bothered?

Getting Your Groove Back Tip:

Personally, I think Gunshot Weddings are lovely.  The fact that the two people are doing what they deem as ‘the right thing’ for themselves and the baby, shows commitment through the rocky road ahead.  I have two friends who had gunshot weddings. She was a proper, ballooning, eight months preggers bride and looked absolutely lovely.

Moreover, nothing has meaning except for the meaning you give it.  It is what it is and if what people said about you could kill you, you’d be dead already.

Infidelity – Would you Leave Your Husband if he had an Affair?

It has been reported that over a third of men on dating sites are married.  It appears to  be the new swish, less complicated route to infidelity.

One of my Mummy mates said she wouldn’t be surprised if her husband was one of them  because  for one, she’s bored shitless of their sex life and two,  he’s always on the Internet.

She says she has no intentions of leaving him however, because he’s rich and not prepared to give up her lifestyle.  Therefore, if he was one of the new unfaithful gits taking advantage of a single women’s quest in finding a decent bloke, she was quite happy for him to do so. At least she honest.

I was seeing a bloke once who I met on line.  I swear he was married.  He lived in Sweden and came to London often on business.  Things just didn’t add up and the penny dropped when I myself had to go to Sweden on business and was fed a million and one excuses why he couldn’t meet up with me.

So kicked he was kicked to the kerb shortly thereafter.

In any case, the question is, would you leave your hubby if he had an affair?

Getting Your Groove Back Tip?

Okay, I’m gonna get stick for this one.

Depending on the circumstances, I’d say No – you shouldn’t leave!

In recent years,  I’ve decided to take my head out of the fairy tale books and stop comparing relationships to the Litte House on the Prairie and the Waltons and something more akin to the Rocky Horror Show.

Shit happens.

Therefore, if it was a one off stupid mad moment, I just don’t think it’s worth breaking up the family home over.

However,  on discovering that the bastard had planned and calculated meeting a woman woman on-line and living some full on double family life somewhere, with kids, then I ‘d kick the git to the kerb like I did with old Mr Sweden.

After School Activities

Its all gone a little bit silly, right.  As if we’re not time and money strapped as is,we’re now hot footing it every week,  looking like bag ladies,  scurrying our kids to Football Classes, Swimming Classes, Music Lessons, Gymanatics, Tennis classes and the like. 

Getting your Groove Back Tip

Lets not forget good old fashioned hopscotch, kiss chase and building go karts.  After all,besides perhaps the odd activity, it’s what we did and it never did us any harm.

Angelina Jolie vs Gina Ford

Are you the all routine, OCD Gina Ford Type or do you operate within your childs ‘natural rhythms’, like gone with the faries, Angelina Jolie?

Getting Your Groove Back Tip.

We are all different. We all have different finger prints and indeed, different personalities.  One of my pet hates is everyone trying to be the same as everyone else, expecting everyone to be the same as them and living within the confines of that boring square that only the super confident step out from.

We should celebrate our differences.  So one kid, two kids or even twelve, they do indeed all have their own different rhythms.

I come from a family of seven.  Seven different people, seven different rhythms.  Trying to force me into the rythym of my sister is like squeezing a hedgehog through a exhaust pipe. I’d go cranky.

Getting your groove back is about going along with the natural rhythm and spirit of life as opposed to doing the whole OCD routine day in day out.  Geez, life is too short.

Yeah there are boundaries and everything is about balance. But don’t loose your spontaneity in life.

Getting your groove back is about letting go for a bit and realising that the sky didn’t actually fall on your head when you did.

Leaving a Toxic Relationship

Are you struggling to leave a toxic relationship?

Getting Your Groove Back Tip:

Get to know the initial trigger/s that makes you keep going back and hallucinating about how things, could be.

Is it when you see him or is it when you hear his voice?  Or is it the moments when he touches you a particular way?

One of my Mummy Mates who’s stuck in a married man situation said,

‘It’s when he kisses me on my forehead.  The blooming kiss my forehead and it’s all over.”

So, if it’s when you see him, avoid visual contact until your in a better place.

If it’s when when you hear his voice, at that very same moment that his name pops up on your phone, think back to a time when you felt in control. Anytime.  Doesn’t have to be specific to him. Then when the phone rings and his name pops up, relive the memory of when you felt in control and automatically the new feelings of control will kick in, superseding your weak moment. This will miraculously give you the power to ignore the phone call.

Remember, your thoughts affect your feelings and how you feel affects your actions.

And most importantly, STOP BLOOMING HULLUCINATING. If he’s failed to treat you right over the last how many years, he’s hardly gonna start treating you right now.

Feeling Guilty

By extending the truth (effectively lying) to my Son’s violin teacher saying that Max was still ill as to why he had to miss yet another violin lesson when really I had to hot foot it to visit another school I’m thinking of moving him to.

Feel like shit for lying.  He’s such a lovely bloke. 

Getting my groove back tip:

Oh Well. The Violin Teacher was probably able to get home early and spend more quality time with his wife and Kids.

Child Always Ill?

Dealing with your kids repeated illness can be an absolute mental strain.  My son suffers from Asthma and I cannot tell you the number of times in any given month we have to be dashing to the hospital for a nebulisor.  It drives me to distress.

Getting Your Groove Back Tip:

If you can make it to the hospital or out of hours clinic in order to save NHS money and time, then do. However, when it gets to the stage where your child’s repeated  illness is putting you on the verge of mental break down and the choice lies between slashing your wrists or getting the out of  hours Doctor to visit you (tell them you can’t get to the clinic without checking into the mental clinic beforehand), then get them to visit you.  Save your life and relish in the luxury of having your child diagnosed and treated, or in my case have my son breathe again, in the comfort of your own home!

NB: If it’s a 999 emergency, call an ambulance immediately.

ME Time – I Like Pooing!

‘I like Pooing’. These were the words of my delightful son this morning.  It did make me laugh.  That’s the thing with kids.  No matter how poo (excuse the pun) your feeling, you can be sure they’ll do or say something that will make you laugh.

‘Why do you like pooing so much darling ‘ I asked.’

 ’It’s just a great feeling, really really relaxes me.  When it’s coming out, t just feels so relaxing’, he replied.

God I love my kid.

Getting your Groove Back Tip:

Going for a Poo is indeed a relaxing moment.  Many of my biggest problems or my greatest ideas have indeed come form having a good old POO!  Research has shown that it is when you are relaxed that you are at your most creative.

Use this time, to really be ‘in the moment’ for a bit of ME Time.  Get a magazine, close the door to your annoying kids or partner and have a good,  slow, old fashioned POO!

Feeling Guilty

Because I didn’t have a clean PAIR of socks for Max.  Got a big box of odds and sods ones, but not a matching pair in sight.  So he had to wear the grubby pair he had on yesterday.  They were black, so the dirt wouldn’t show.  My usual act of putting on two similar looking ones wasn’t going to crack it today  because he was going to a party in a soft ball cage where they have to take their shoes off.

Bad Mummy.  Bad grubby Mummy.

Getting your Groove Back Tip:

Forget about it.  No kids ever died from wearing dirty socks before.

Post Baby Belly? – How to have great sex regardless

When my delightful son was just 5 yrs old, he asked me what those tiger stripes were on my belly. I soon wiped that lovely googey sweet smile off his face when I explained that they were stretch marks and caused by him!!!

Indeed, tiger stripes on your post baby belly are less of a big deal when you’re still with the Father of your child. No, the nightmare begins when there’s a new bloke on the horizon.  One who wasn’t the cause of those beloved tiger stripes in the first place.  Then, in order to prove he’s a man of the 21st century, during sex, what does he start doing? Massaging the bloomin belly.

Can you Adam and Eve it.  I’m wincing all over again at the memory!

The boobs are not that great either after they were sucked to death by my son who, much to the disgust of just about everyone around me, was breastfed up until the age of 20 months old.

Fear not.  With a with a Push up Bra, they look absolutely fanatstic!

So the secret I discovered, is to have sex with the push up bra ON.  You get big voluptuous boobs with a push up bra ON.

The reality is Mums, Men don’t really care what your boobs are like. Big ones, small ones, fake ones, flabby ones or  just one.  And if the truth be known, I don’t give a hoot either. It is what it is.

Getting your Groove Back Tip:

I’m so comfortable with my body that as far as I’m concerned, he’s getting such great sex anyway, saggy belly and not so great boobs, he’s lucky to be having the pleasure of indulging in great sex with me anyway!

Learn to love your bodies Mums.  If you love it, he’ll feed off your confidence and will love it too.  Men often say, there is nothing more unattractive than an insecure woman regardless of her size and body shape.  Confidence is what is sexy.

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