Feeling Groovy after a Break Up

When you’ve come to the decision to finally kick the relationship to the kerb and there are kids involved, the next challenge is ‘getting over it’.

My Lesson number one:

Don’t tell yourself to stop thinking about him or listen to advise telling you the same.  The mind can be crap in situations like this.  The more you tell yourself not to think about him, the more you will.  Afterall, you have to think about him in order to stop thinking about him.  For example, if I said to you, don’t think about a green elephant with pink spots on, what’s the first thing you do? Think about a green elephant with pink spots on.

So if you have to think about something, think about the shit times and why you ended in the first place.  Stop hallucinating about how great it could of been. Rest assured, your not  gonna find anything different in the same place you’ve been searching for in the last how many years.

My Lesson number two:

Even if he was the biggest twat under the sun, don’t use the kids as a sounding board.  My Mum was a great inspiration for this.  Even though my own toss pot Dad left my Mum for my cousin, who was her niece and never gave her a dry cent from the day he left, she has never ever bad mouthed him. 

Lesson number three:

Hate binds longer than love.  What you think, affects what you do andwhat you do effects your actions. So whilst your using up your merry energy hating the ex, your anger indirectly affects everything that you do. Your anger will be unconsciously driving you to mistrust others or devalue yourself.  All this whilst he’s busy getting on with his merry life and not giving you a second thought. 

And Lesson number four:

Get busy finding a new you.  Ask yourself what would you do if this was your last day alive?  Then go do it.  Moreover, try with all your mite to avoid the rebound thing.  I’m sure you’ve heard it before and I know it takes some serious self control, but so so worth it in the end.  Only then will you lean the lesson from the past to avoid picking up yet another toss pot and and end back up at square one!

Loneliness – Get Off Your Duff

The world is such a big beautiful place and with  SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much we don’t know and haven’t experienced yet.

Getting your Groove back Tip:

Like a plant is part of nature, so are we.  If you don’t water a plant it dies.  Learning to us is like what water is to a plant. If you are not learning, your not growing. I read a quote somewhere, that as soon as I find it, I’ll post it, but it said something along the lines of ‘Most of us died at the age of 25.’ We’re like the walking dead.  Beat your loneliness by growing  and learning something new.

One Step at a Time

No excuses.  The only thing that is keeping you back is your mind.  It takes one minuscule of a tiny step to walk a 1000 miles. Write a list of all the amazing things you’ve done in the past and put it up on your wall.  Then when you feel crippled about taking that one tiny, little, teeny weeny, beany step – refer back to your list to remind yourself that you can do it because of things you’ve achieved in the past.

So get off your duff and learn something new and where you at least have the chance of meeting new people.  Give thanks that you can because there are people out there who would love to have your opportunities.

Excuses

And don’t say you can’t, say you won’t. There’s a difference.

Loosing It With Your Kid

Hey, it’s all a learning curve right.  Even with all my psychology training, studying, courses, the works, I still was able to loose it with my little un today. He was huffing and puffing to get going whilst I was having what I felt was an all important chat with one of my Mummy Mates.

Then I completly lost – it went something like this;

“It’s all about you isn’t it! Why does everything have to be about you. YOU, you, you, you, you.  Mummy needs time too, you know.  But no, Max wants to get going.  It’s all about what Max wants. Max, Max, Max, Max, Max…..

and so it went on…and on, and on. I was on a roll and I couldn’t stop myself. I was telling myself to shut up, but my mouth took on a life of it’s own and just wouldn’t stop. So it continued;

“If Max wants to go, we go.  If Max wants to stop we stop.  If Max says jump, we say how high….” Well What about mmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

All this to a 7 year old kid – Tut Tut…

Getting your Groove Back Tip:

As soon as your able to recognise that your in a state, do something opposite to what you are currently doing. So if your sitting down, get up and walk into another room. If your standing up, go into the bedroom and lie down.  Basically, do something COMPLETELY opposite to what you’re doing at the time.  Likewise, if you have no Music on, crank up the stero.  Do it immediately.  Try it. It’s not easy, but really, really effective. You may have to dig deep within your soul for the energy to do it, but the effort is worth it and it really really works st at the very least, you’ll shut up.

Boring Breathing:

I know it’s boring to hear that same old breathing advise, but this also works. Take it from me, the anti airy fairy guru.

When your stressed, your breathing rises, higher and higher into your chest and shoulders.  Compare this to the way a baby breaths.  They breath from much lower down in their diaphragm.  This is how we used to breathe before the stresses of life stole our groove.  That’s why the breathing stuff works.  Takes you back to your core and centers you.

Shit Happens

Afterwards you’ll feel a bit bad but don’t beat yourself up – Shit happens. Naturally, you don’t want this to happen too often as you’ll be sending out the wrong signals to your kid. The above exercises should prevent this.

But remember, we’re all learning, even super cool me:).